Broken Pieces: Repairing the Damage of InfidelitySample

It’s the eighth day of our time together on this journey of recovery, renewal and restoration. It is my hope and prayer that you’ve been putting in the work and making the necessary sacrifice of denying yourself and making your wife a top priority. If that is the case and things are starting to make a turn for the better, then I want you to take a moment to celebrate the small wins. My wife and I love celebrating the small victories because those are the ones that lead up to the big ones. Sadly enough, in a lot of marriage,s the small wins often go unnoticed or overlooked. Celebrating the small wins also gives you an opportunity to reflect on the day-to-day grind of doing the small things that make a big difference in the overall healing and restoration journey in your marriage, especially after a traumatic event like infidelity and heartbreak. And let’s be honest, navigating through the pain and sorrow of adultery is not easy at all. There are days when things seem to be going well. You both are smiling together, holding hands while walking through the grocery market or cuddling up on the sofa watching movies, enjoying quality time together and all of a sudden, out of nowhere her tears begin to flow and she’s an emotional wreck. This is when you resist the urge to be “Mr. Fix It” and you embrace her (if she allows you to) and reassure her that you’re here for her and you love her. Hold her tight. I would even suggest going a step further and letting her hear you say how much it hurts you that you put your marriage in this predicament. And really mean it. It won’t immediately stop the pain, but it will at least let her know you’re no longer running from the issue but embracing the process to heal from it. Furthermore, if she wants to talk about it, be ready to listen with an open heart and be willing to answer her tough questions without becoming defensive or short-tempered. You owe her that. And if you expect to rebuild her trust, this is a good starting point.

Can I share an honest moment with you? There were times earlier in my marriage, after I was unfaithful to my wife and we were in the process of healing, that I felt like she should be over certain things by now. I got so irritated with her because it seemed like she would question my every move or make resentful remarks when we would go to certain places together. It was very frustrating. And even though I was the cause of it all, in my mind I would think to myself, “How long is it going to take for her to just get over it?” It took all the strength I had in me to stop myself from blurting those words out of my mouth because I knew if I did, she would explode! It would be equivalent to a live volcano erupting and her wrath would be unleashed without constraint. I didn't want the smoke, so I kept my mouth shut.

I can assure you that if you haven’t experienced it yet, there will be times when you are going to be tempted to ask her: “How long will it take for you to get over it?” So before you make the drastic mistake and ask, let me give you the answer to the question. Are you ready for it? Here it is: As long as it takes. That’s it. I wish I had a more eloquent answer for you bro but truth be told, everybody’s situation is uniquely different and there is no cookie-cutter answer for how long the healing process takes. That’s why you have to be willing to let the Lord lead you as you pray for wisdom and patience to walk with her step by step through the process while the Holy Spirit works on both of you from the inside out to strengthen the bond that was broken. And believe me when I tell you, it is definitely worth the wait.

NEXT STEPS: Write a handwritten love letter to your wife. Express your gratitude and appreciation for her willingness to stay in the fight for your marriage. Let her know how much she means to you and how she makes you want to be a better husband, father and man of God. Remind her of what drew you to her in the beginning and tell her how beautiful she is inside and outside. Let her know you are committed to her and your marriage. Once you’ve written the letter, place it on her pillow and let God do the rest.