Make Sense of Your StorySample

WRITING A NEW STORY

Here is a gut-wrenching truth about trauma: The harm you do to yourself through self-contempt is greater than the harm that has been done to you. Self-contempt blocks the healing process more than any other single factor.

By “self-contempt” I simply mean harshness from you to you.

The antidote to self-contempt is kindness.

According to the apostle Paul, it is the kindness of God that leads to repentance (Romans 2:4). If that’s true, why does a part of you feel like the best way to change and grow is to be harsh with yourself? Have you ever considered why it’s so hard to bring kindness to your own heart and body? Might it have something to do with what happened in your past when you were in need of kindness and you were either shamed for that need or abandoned in your moment of need?

If you’re like me, you’re harshest with yourself when you are most in need of care and comfort. Why is that? Perhaps it has something to do with your immense need for kindness and your deep ambivalence about receiving kindness.

It’s time to write a new story. You can begin by offering your heart and body kindness today when you are in need. In Isaiah 42:3, God says, “A bruised reed [I] will not break.” You and I are bruised reeds. If God does not hate the fact that you are a bruised reed, why do you? Why do you have hatred for your brokenness, for your weakness, for your frailty? When you are not doing well, do you respond to your body’s suffering by striving harder? Grinding it out? Do you turn against yourself?

You don’t have to respond to your brokenness with self-violence in the form of lies about who you are. Jesus said that Satan is the father of lies and when he lies, he speaks his “native language” (John 8:44). You have likely borne the weight of self-accusations for years. In fact, behind each experience of shame in your life is an accusation. But what if the accusations that haunt you could become questions you explore with kindness—part of your story that, when considered with gentleness and grace, can lead toward healing?

How did others respond to you when you needed kindness as a child? Why does receiving kindness from ourselves, others, and God lead to healing?