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My Will vs. Her Will

Okay, men. Of course we have to talk about this one.

For some, Ephesians 5 has been misused to create an unhealthy view of submission in marriage.

And what has this led to?

Brokenness. A lot of brokenness.

Is that God’s plan for marriage? For submission to be used as a weapon that brings our wives down so that we, as men, can feel validated?

I don’t think so.

When talking about Ephesians 5, too many people want to start at verse 22, where it says:

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (emphasis added).

Of course we want to start there!

Why?

Because it’s clearly all about what the wife needs to do, right?!

But what if we started at the preceding verse instead:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (v.21, emphasis added).

What does this look like? Paul continues to show us:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:5 NIV, emphasis added).

Paul goes even further to define this as he points us to the deeper biblical purpose of marriage, where the two become one flesh, all to reflect Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5:31-32).

That’s a big deal!

As married men, we should never think that our relationship with our wife is just about the two of us. It is much bigger than that.

And that leads to the question of how men treat our wives. Are we to dominate over them?

The answer:

How does Jesus treat the Church?

He “make(s) her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” (Ephesians 5:25-27 NIV, emphasis added)

As Christian husbands, we are called to honor our wives in a way that reflects Christ’s love for His bride.

Even as men lead the home, this may mean choosing to submit your desires to hers. Submitting your preferences to hers. Submitting your comfort to hers. Submitting your needs to hers.

Honoring and loving your wife in the example of Christ means sacrificing for her sake.

Are you willing to do that?

There’s only one way to find out.

Submit.

Prayer: Jesus, thank You for (insert your wife’s name if married). Help me remember that she is Your daughter first, before she is my wife, so I may treat her the way You ask me to, and our marriage reflects You. Amen.

Reflection: What is one way you can honor your wife out of reverence for Christ?