Getting Dating RightSample

How to Date

Today, we’re continuing our conversation about how to date in a way that honors God and honors others. Let’s set the tone by remembering our call to be holy.

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NLT

God’s will, His desire for the people He loves and saved, is that we would be holy like He is holy. This theme is woven throughout the biblical story. Paul, writing to a group of Christians under intense pressure from the culture around them, picks up this thread of holiness and shows them how it connects to their sexuality.

He doesn’t want us to miss that the greatest calling of our lives is not to satisfy our sexual desires; it’s to become people who are holy like our Heavenly Father.

Pursuing holiness is the way to be faithfully single, to faithfully date, and to be faithfully married.

But practically, what does it look like to pursue holiness in our dating relationships? Let’s dive in.

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Ephesians 5:1-3 NIV

Notice how Paul strategically and pointedly reminds his readers who they are—dearly loved children and God’s holy people. Because when you know who you are, you know what to do.

As you date, remember who you are. You are a Christian. You're a Christian on Wednesday at youth group, and you're still a Christian on Friday night in the empty band room. You're a Christian on Sunday at church, and you're still a Christian on Saturday when you’re alone in the car after a date. Wherever you go, whoever you’re with, you’re a child of God. You bear the family name and represent Him wherever you go. So, date with integrity. Make decisions that align with who you are—and with whose you are.

It’s also important to date with humility. This is the example Jesus set for us. The picture of love painted by Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection is one of humble service and self-sacrifice.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! Philippians 2:5-8 NIV

As we follow Jesus’ example of love in our relationships, understand that this is a love that doesn’t use status to get its own way. It doesn’t claim that because you’re boyfriend and girlfriend it’s now on them to satisfy you sexually. That’s not love.

As we follow Jesus’ example of love in our relationships, it looks like putting to death any desires that don’t honor God or the other person and instead looking for ways to serve them.

Point blank: Healthy relationships require humility—romantic ones included. It takes humility to honestly look in the mirror and discover weaknesses that you’ve been trying to hide or cope with. It takes even more humility to bring those things to the table and ask for help. Humility isn’t assuming you know everything; it’s considering what the other person has to say as interesting and significant. It’s admitting where you’ve gotten it wrong and need to change direction. All of this requires humility!

So, follow God’s example as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love.

Finally, date in community. Surround yourself with people who are faithfully following Jesus and committed to pursuing holiness. You’ll have people to cheer you on and help you keep fighting when it gets difficult to honor God with sexual integrity—and it will be difficult. You’ll have people to pick you up if you stumble and to bring godly accountability when a change is needed. You’ll have wise counselors who can help you avoid traps and prayer partners to help you face temptations. You’ll have people to remind you who you are and why your choice to be faithful to Jesus matters so much.

The greatest calling of our lives is not to find a sexually satisfying relationship; the greatest calling of our lives is to become people who love God and others like Jesus does. And the choices we make today—in how we date and otherwise—determine the people we become tomorrow.

Challenge: It’s time to evaluate your choices. Are you making choices with integrity and humility? Where are you operating outside of godly community? If you’re not happy with where your choices are taking you, change starts with one step in a different direction. So, what’s one choice you can make today to honor God and serve others? Go do that. Then, tomorrow, ask yourself the same question … and go do it. Doing this consistently is how you change your trajectory.