One Choice Away From Change: Breaking Unhealthy CyclesSample

Going Backward To Move Forward

Our history can anchor us to dysfunction or give us rose-colored glasses of the glory days past. No matter how we view our past, we all struggle to some extent with how the past influences our present and shapes our future.

The first barrier to overcoming our past is failing to recognize that the same story can be viewed from different perspectives. There is no right or wrong way to remember your past. In fact, recognizing that the same story can be viewed from different perspectives allows you to acknowledge your own pain—without feeling like you have to defend or explain it away—and begin the process of healing. When you accept someone else’s perspective as just that—their perspective—you stop becoming defensive or dismissive of their feelings. In fact, sometimes seeing your pain through another person’s lens can create a layer of understanding you couldn’t have discovered from your view. When you willingly acknowledge their viewpoint, it makes them feel seen and heard, but it doesn’t necessarily make them right. A willingness to listen without defense fosters healing in your relationship.

The second barrier to overcoming our past is failing to recognize the messages we’ve internalized from the words of others. Words spoken over us leave lasting messages. But too often, we don’t trace the messages that trapped us in unhealthy cycles back to where we received them. Words spoken over us leave lasting messages, and words become messages that become cycles.

To break cycles in our lives, we must first discover our messages, which requires some trips down memory lane. If we don’t acknowledge the words that became ingrained messages, we fail to recognize the cycles of dysfunction in which we are entrapped.

Admitting what happened to you doesn’t give the past power. In fact, confronting your past can give your present a path to discover more about yourself, allowing you to heal and grow. God is inviting you to journey to your past and confront it head-on by surrendering it with confidence and clarity from your perspective.

So how do you start? When you think about your past, what wounds come to mind? Take a minute and think about moments in your childhood where words were spoken to you or over you. What messages did they leave with your heart and mind? If you could take all those words and accumulate them into one word, what would it be? If nothing comes immediately to mind, don’t stress. This isn’t a one-time moment of revelation; it’s a process. Start with one choice.

Your story, my story, and God’s story are about a choice—to go back to go forward. Confronting your past is a choice to surrender to what was and experience what can be. We can break ties with our messages and cycles. It begins with this one choice: confront your past.

Reflection: When you think about your past, what wounds come to mind? What messages did they leave with your heart and mind? If you could take all those words and accumulate them into one word, what would it be?

Cycle-Breaking Prayer: Jesus, I come to you seeking clarity and courage to identify the Asherah poles in my life—the idols and distractions that keep me from your best. These things cause me to repeat my past instead of healing from it. Help me surrender my past mistakes and release the burdens of regret. I want to embrace the future you have planned for me, full of hope and purpose. Be my guide and my strength as you bring transformation to my heart. In your name, amen.