BulletProof Your MarriageSample

Every relationship experiences conflict from time to time. The moment you got married, you joined more than your hopes and dreams; you also joined your hurts, fears, imperfections, and emotional baggage. Life will test you, but it’s how you handle conflicts that is the real issue.

A few years into our marriage, we decided that we needed some "rules for war." That sounds so dramatic, doesn’t it? "Rules of engagement"–that sounds better! We wrote down a list of things that we wouldn’t tolerate, such as shouting or raised voices, silent treatment, walking out, bringing up the past, bad language, saying “you always” or “you never,” or using derogatory or unkind words. We also noted that we would listen well to one another, not react, and not interrupt. Honestly, there are still times when we need to work at those last few areas!

Whenever there is an offense, no matter how small, there must always be a process of repair, recovery, and reconciliation. I can almost hear you say, “You must be kidding! You don’t know my wife or my husband.” No, I don’t. But let’s set the standard and do our bit.

A conflict should result in building a bridge, not burning one down. Be willing to compromise; don’t be dogmatic. Treat your spouse’s feelings respectfully. I cannot overemphasize how true humility and genuine repentance can transform and protect a marriage. This attitude attracts the attention of God and brings His grace into the situation.

Set aside some time to talk with your spouse about establishing healthy "rules of engagement" for your marriage. Or if that isn’t possible, write some of your own that you intend to abide by. Dodge the bullet of destructive fights by establishing healthy methods of communication during conflict.