Day 5: Your Kids Need Your (Intentional) Attention

The Sacrificial Gift of Availability

I’ll never forget the time I was holding my sweet firstborn in my arms, and an older woman leaned over to me and quietly said, “You know it’s your job now to raise him not to need you anymore, right?”

My first thoughts toward this woman were not very nice. (“Keep it to yourself, lady. Let me enjoy my baby!” Haha.)

But she was right.

As much as being a mommy to our little ones is full of all the sweetness in the world (along with sleepless nights, sticky fingers, and seemingly unending potty training . . . someone say amen?), our ultimate job is to raise kids to be adults.

Hopefully: responsible, Jesus-loving, well-adjusted adults (who love to visit their parents! :) ).

So . . . how do we get there? (Someone is asking!)

I’m so glad you asked! ;) Because this is my heart of hearts and something I really hope to leave you with . . .

I believe that the best way to raise our kids to be strong and independent adults is by being intentionally available and invested in them as they grow up. And then to allow our relationship to grow up with them.

Let me unpack that just a bit more.

First, though there isn’t a lot of specific “parenting advice” in the Bible, there are a few places that Scripture makes our job very clear:

• Ephesians 6:4 calls us to bring up our kids “in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

• Deuteronomy 6:6–7 paints a great picture of how we can do this: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

• Proverbs 13:24 makes it clear that we are to discipline our children in love.

To do any of this well requires that we have a strong relationship with our kids. We need to know them well! And to know them well, we need to spend a good deal of time with them.

Show me a child who is thriving, secure, and making good choices, and almost guaranteed, I’ll show you a parent who is involved, intentional, and available.

Then here is step two: when we know our kids well, our relationship grows with them. In time, they begin to want (and need!) more independence. This doesn’t mean they don’t need us anymore, but our role will change: from Mommy and Daddy to more of a coach, then mentor, then friend! (Yay!)

It is a beautiful, natural process. But it cannot be forced. It comes with time.

I understand that life is busy, and none of this is easy. But I promise that you won’t regret the sacrifice of time and intentional parenting as your kids grow up. And one day, when you find that your best friend also happens to be a child you raised, it will all be worth it!

Trust God to lead you as you teach, train, and discipline your child. Be intentional to spend time with them, and allow your relationship to grow up as your child grows up! In doing all of this, you will be giving your child what they need the most.

FURTHER READING: JOHN 15:13–17

Prayer: Heavenly Father, thank you that you show us what a good and loving Father is. You love us sacrificially, provide for us daily, and are available to us 24/7. Help us to parent our own children the way you parent us. Please give us wisdom to teach and train and to love and discipline our kids. Show us how our role needs to change as our kids grow up. Give us the time we need to really know our kids so that we might give them what they really need most! Amen.