"A"-Accountability for current and future actions with partner and others.

Accountability. The "A" in the C.A.S.T. Method is where ego and pride are broken down. In other words, this is typically the most challenging part of the process and where the most growth occurs. When I look back to the circumstances leading up to our relationship's infidelity, I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:13. There were other choices that I could have made. You had other choices as well. God always provides a way of escape.
This is where, as the person who committed the infidelity, ownership and honesty with oneself produce the greatest platform for repentance. This is where you truly understand the depth of what you've done and the impact it had. Once you have walked through this process, the next most important thing is to find accountability.

In most cases, when done effectively, more than one person is on your accountability team. In addition to your spouse, a friend, or brother in Christ, your Pastor, if you are a believer, a counselor, or a mentor, can assist you with staying the course when faced with challenges. Some may even have sound enough relationships with their parents. I'm not going to say that this is never a good idea. I will say that the word encourages us to "leave our mother and father" for a reason.

Finding accountability is typically difficult for men because we often struggle with dealing with our emotions. We may talk to someone on the surface and then never deal with the actual feelings. You have to press in and build your team if you are committed to healing your marriage!

If you experienced infidelity, you also need accountability. If you've decided to fight for your marriage, your accountability team can be a listening ear.
They can check if you are being unfair to your spouse and even challenge you to look at the situation differently. They can also hold you accountable for doing the work necessary for your mental health. Is this connected to something in your past? Is this a pattern of treatment that you've experienced? Were there other choices that I could have made?

Here are some tips to build a bridge back to your spouse's trust and fortify their commitment to the marriage:

• Be Vulnerable and Transparent. The only way you will grow is by spilling everything. What circumstances led up to the decision? What was going on inside of you? What story were you telling yourself? Why did you make the decision you made?
  If you cannot be vulnerable and transparent with the people you've selected as your accountability team, get new people. They should be non-biased (that's why parents are difficult) and able to speak into your life, including challenging you to think differently.
• Overcommunicate: This is specifically with your spouse. Tell them anything and everything concerning your movement, whereabouts, and thoughts. As important as it is to let your spouse know that you are making a run to the store (without them) or may need to make a call to a colleague of the opposite sex, or leaving on a business trip, what you are thinking is the most challenging and most beneficial conversation you can have. Being vulnerable and sharing your feelings about your decision(s) and how they've affected your spouse helps rebuild trust and connection. Communicating what you are doing to prevent a relapse is also a powerful statement to your spouse. Warning! Don't do this from a place of condemnation. Feeling sorry for yourself is unscriptural and unattractive. Romans 8:1-2 helps us understand that although we sin, we are no longer sinners and should not hold ourselves captive if we've truly repented. Overcommunicate. Leave no space for the enemy to work. Today's technology makes this a lot easier than it was when we dealt with this 25 years ago.
• Pray: The most important thing you can do in all this is talk with God! As Hebrew 4:15 tells us, God understands; he has been touched by the same temptations and experiences that we have. Trust God at His word. Let Him minister to you, help you navigate this season, and heal—both of you!

Join us for tomorrow's devotional as we cover the "S" in the C.A.S.T. Method, Securing and Stabilizing the marital connection.