Act Like a Man: 9 Ways to Punch Life in the MouthSample

Husband: Love Your Princess

We are not only to be good stewards of our resources but also our relationships. If you’re married, the most important relationship is with your spouse. Genesis 2 says to “hold fast” (some older Bible translations will say “cleave”). Have you ever seen a sports team nearing a scoring opportunity? They’re focused on the goal, and that’s how a guy should be when he’s pursuing a woman. You know a guy has met his potential wife when he suddenly gets very focused. He finds his girl and he wants to marry her, so he starts making and saving more money than ever and putting his life together to invite her into it. This is a passionate pursuit and vigorous intentionality.

The problem arises when men sometimes have that vigorous enthusiasm until the honeymoon is over. All of a sudden, they’re pursuing their career, hobbies, or the kids, and all the enthusiasm of pursuing their wife wanes. This can even cause real danger through “work spouses”, emotional affairs, and even physical affairs. You need to date your wife before someone else does. You dated her to marry her, so keep dating her to stay married to her. Many men think marriage is the finish line, but it’s just the starting line.

To pursue your wife well, you must have a strong understanding of the three kinds of marriages: shoulder-to-shoulder, back-to-back, and face-to-face.

1. Shoulder-to-Shoulder – This is the type of relationship most men have. Men have friends they did and do things with: served in the military, played sports with, watched the game with, worked with, etc. For Grace and me, this is our default. We’re really good at getting stuff done together. We worked together before we were married and have planted churches together, raised kids together, done ministry tours together, written books together, and remodeled multiple homes together. But, if marriage is shoulder-to-shoulder for too long, it eventually turns back-to-back.
2. Back-to-Back – This is where he has his work, she has her work, he’s got his friends, she’s got her friends, and they’re turning their backs on one another. This is where you’re not warm, loving, or close, and maybe are even adversarial. Every marriage, at some point, gets back-to-back, but the question is, how long will you stay there? The longer you’re there, the more opportunity you allow for bitterness, demonic footholds, and destruction in your marriage. The distance between you and your wife is a perfect spot for Satan to set up a stronghold.
3. Face-to-Face – These are the best marriages and is the Biblical language for our eternal face-to-face relationship with Jesus and how Moses met with God. The key to your marriage is getting face-to-face time meaning you turn off your phone or TV and look one another in the eye. When you’re dating, you get quite a bit of face-to-face time, and then get you married and are too busy with kids, a mortgage, the yard, in-laws, outlaws, taxes, elections, and soccer. Eventually, you’re back-to-back, so the key is to get as much face-to-face time as you can to build your friendship with your wife.

If you’re married, where are you at with your wife right now? Take some time every week to look your wife in the eye, pray with her, pray over her, talk to her, and even listen to her. They find that sexy, so just try. Every man messes up from time to time. Humble yourself and invite God to help you get it right, to honor God, and respect your wife in every way. If you’ve messed some things up, guess what? We all have. My goal is not to put condemnation on you but to encourage you not to settle for anything less than a marriage that glorifies God and is enjoyable for you and your spouse. Once your marriage is solid, you have the right foundation for raising children and leaving a powerful legacy.

If you’re married, what is one way you can pursue your wife this week? Maybe it’s going out on a spontaneous date and doing something she really enjoys. Or maybe it’s just talking and listening to her without any distractions. If you’re not yet married, pray for your future wife.