Discerning God's Will in RelationshipsSample

We've talked about defining godly relationships and the importance of praying for wisdom in relationships. Lastly, let's work through the arduous task of knowing when to disconnect from relationships that are no longer suitable for you. If you are compassionate and empathetic, this may be a challenge. God has given us the gift of mercy, and although we are always to give mercy to others, "Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy"(Matthew 5:7 KJV). Still, some need help understanding how to distribute it in a God-glorifying and balanced way. You see this in abused victims, women who endure adulterous marriages without giving consequences to their partners, or parents who enable their children instead of guiding them to get help or allowing the Lord to teach them through challenging trials. In the situations mentioned, God may not lead you to disconnect fully; He may want you to step back for a season to allow Him to work. However, in these cases, you can't let your emotions or empathy for the person or situation override what God is leading you to do.

There are also other times when the relationship will continue to damage you as the person doesn't desire the change available to them. These are the relationships I mentioned on Day One. When God began transforming my heart and thoughts, the people I knew and loved could no longer remain with me as their desires were still for this world. I'd try to talk to them about God, but they didn't want to engage with the "God talk" because it cramped their style. Sure, we could laugh at jokes and even converse over trivial things, but the conversation and interactions remained surface as the depth I was now experiencing with God didn't resonate with them. These instances occurred not only in worldly relationships but also in my Christian circle.

As I grew, I noticed that some people within my circle still had an affinity towards the culture, secular music, reality television, gossip, and other facets of life that I no longer wanted to be a part of. Then there were the believers who loved God wholeheartedly, but there would still be some friction between us. You see, all relationships have some nuance that you must work through, but you've got to decide and discern which ones are worth fighting for. What do you do when you love someone, but God is given clear instructions to remove yourself and let go? How do you move forward in faith when you believed that specific relationships would transition with you?

In the book of 1 Samuel, God spoke sternly yet encouraging to Samuel, "And the LORD said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? Fill thine horn with oil, and go, I will send thee to Jesse the Beth-lehemite: for I have provided me a king among his sons"(1 Samuel 16:1 KJV).

In the previous chapters, Saul had blatantly and defiantly disobeyed God's instructions. Because there was no true repentance, God would anoint another king, David. When Samuel learned of this, it grieved him to his core. God asked him, how long will you loathe in the disappointment of what I have rejected? God knew that Samuel was sorrowful because of Saul's end, but God, in his Holy and Just nature, left Saul to his choices and the pride fueling him. It's so easy to get entangled in the emotion of possibility for someone we love that we forget it truly is their decision to live for God or naught.

The Lord sent Samuel away from Saul, and I don't believe they ever saw each other again. Although Samuel was grieved, He was obedient and disconnected from his relationship with Saul and the idea of him remaining King. God's ways are not like ours, nor are His thoughts like ours. God sees far more and knows everything, as He is the only wise and Sovereign God.

One final Biblical example of a disconnection/separation that had to occur because of disobedience is in the book of Ezra, Chapters 9 and 10. Israel sinned greatly while in the pagan land by going against God's commandment in marriage and associations. When Ezra learned of the news, he went into lamenting and pleading with God for mercy. Ezra called for the people to gather and proclaimed,"And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel. Now therefore make confession unto the LORD God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives "(Ezra 10:10-11 KJV). As difficult as this must have been for Ezra to proclaim and Israel to obey, they had to separate from the foreign wives and realign with God's original command. Although they were in a pagan land, they were never supposed to get entangled relationally or culturally. Obedience could have saved Israel from this Divine yet difficult disconnection.

God's purposes for our lives are always good, but sometimes, it requires making hard decisions and disconnecting even our thoughts from a particular outcome to trust in His better plan. My pastor always said, "Don't lose what you got trying to get what you can't keep."

I encourage you to define the relationships in your life, pray for discernment and understanding in navigating them, and trust God when He leads you to disconnect. In my personal experience, I failed every time I attempted to define, discern, and disconnect from ungodly relationships in my strength. But I experienced true deliverance and freedom when I finally surrendered to God and pleaded for help and grace to let go. God will sanctify your desires and deliver you as well.

Don't give up on God-honoring relationships. This culture's narrative of living in isolation and not trusting people, the church, and communing alone is not a Biblical stance. God created us to develop a healthy community among believing peers.

To you, my dear brother or sister, Scripture is clear in 2 Corinthians 6:17 KJV, "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you." God has a plan for your life! The relationships you encounter and cultivate will corrupt you or sharpen your knowledge of God and His purposes. Don't allow the fear of missing out to keep you in a relationship that is no longer healthy and conducive to your walk with Christ.

Be encouraged.