Why I Didn't RebelSample

How To Be Your Kids’ Coach

When I was seven, I knew how to make my own breakfast. I could also do all my chores, get myself dressed and play quietly with my sister without my parents having to watch my every move.

This was typical of kids who grew up to thrive in adult life. Those of us who didn’t rebel were expected to be able to take care of ourselves and contribute to the home from an early age. When we hit adulthood, we were ready. Yes, it was still scary, but we succeeded. We didn’t flounder—we didn’t lose our faith.

So what’s the difference between these families and the Smith family we talked about on the first day?

Our families acted like teams. Teams know that the role of the parent is to prepare the kid so they can do it themselves. You’re training your kid—not making life easy by driving them to activities and keeping track of their homework for them or doing their laundry for them. You’re coaching them so they can bring out the best in themselves.

The Smith family and others like them were clubs. The parents weren’t there to coach their kids—they were there to make sure their kids had a great high school experience. And they raised lovely children, and wonderful teenagers. But they didn’t make good adults. Parents who act like coaches have the end goal in mind—responsible adulthood. Parents who act like club leaders are focused on the present experience and as a result take care of all the pesky things that could get in the way of their kids excelling and enjoying life. They do all the chores around the house because the kids are so focused on grades or sports. They drive kids between school and their part-time job so they don’t have to take the bus. They prop their kids up to succeed—and they often do—but the parents are supporting that success. The kids never learned how to do it on their own.

And when they got to adulthood, they lost that foundation. They realized they lacked the skills to do it alone.

I can’t imagine the stress parents must go through—there’s so much pressure to give your kids the best life you can. But ask yourself this today: are your teenagers self-sufficient? Or would they not be able to get their responsibilities done if you weren’t helping them by doing their chores and making all their meals? Where are some areas you can give your teen more personal responsibility?

Making teens take responsibility for themselves can seem harsh in the short-term. But it sets them up for success in the long-term.