4 Common Communication Mistakes in MarriageSample

Mistake 4: We don’t make it clear how important something is to us

Some things I want to say to Nancy are not all that important to me. They may be part of a casual communication. At other times, I want Nancy to hear what I am saying.

So how does she know the difference? Sometimes it can be obvious because of the situation, but at other times she may think something is not that important that I think is important. The only way she will know is if I tell her.

Paul gives us this wise counsel in I Corinthians 1:10, "I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought." How can you “agree with one another” to the point of “perfectly united” in your marriage? Is that even possible?

Amos 3:3 says, "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" Agreeing together about how we will communicate helps Nancy and I stay on the same page.

We agreed to rate the importance of things we say using a 1 to 10 scale. If she wants me to be 100 percent in on what she is saying, she rates it a 10. When she does that, I get rid of distractions, look her in the eyes and listen well. It makes a difference. If something is a 3 to her and she feels like I am not fully listening, her reaction is very different than with something that is a 10.

Communication is meant to connect us. I love how Proverbs 16:4 says it: "Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." There were times before we used our 1 to 10 scale that our conversations were anything but “healing.” But by agreeing on and applying this tool, we connect more and better. We want to use “gracious words” in our marriage, and this is a simple tool to help us communicate.

Today’s Challenge:

• Is this often an issue in your marriage?
• Are there times when you and your spouse are not on the same page about the importance of a conversation?
• Do you ever share something important with your spouse, but they seem to make light of it?
• Do you ever share your thoughts on a disagreement and your thoughts feel weighty, yet your spouse acts as though it’s light?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, the rating system I shared will make a difference for you.

If you'd like more help with your marriage communication, please attend my webinar, 7 Communication Mistakes Couples Make In Marriage. In this webinar, you’ll discover:

• How to avoid the most common communication breakdowns
• How to connect and have more meaningful conversations
• How to resolve conflicts without turning it into an argument

Get all the info HERE!