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When the Church Leader Questions If God Is Good

As I pray, ponder, and peck away at the keys of my laptop, composing the words to this devotional, I am asking myself basic questions of the faith that even my children would unequivocally answer “Yes!” to without pause. Is God good? Can I trust Him? Yes, I am a pastor’s wife. I preach the truth that God is trustworthy and good even when we can’t see it. But I’m also human, and the enemy knows how to make a targeted attack on my mind. Don’t be quick to judge; if you’re honest, you probably have questioned the truth once or twice. If you haven’t dared utter your doubts aloud, welcome to Pastors’ Wives (that do) Tell All! We’ll shout them to the masses for you.

When you attempt to console a grieving friend who has lost an unsaved loved one, the ultimate eternal sorrow, God doesn’t feel good. When your child is inconsolable and spiraling into a fit of rage despite your prayerful pleas, God doesn’t feel righteous. When you give until your cup is bone dry and He asks you for more, God doesn’t feel fair. When you leave home on a weekend trip to teach the Word and encourage other believers, but the thanks you receive is an infestation of bed bugs you unwittingly carry home from the hotel (hashtag true story), God doesn’t feel trustworthy.

In these moments of doubt, our faith totters on the tipping point. One wrong move, and we think we’ll fall… especially when everything surrounding us is crumbling, and we are hanging off the edge of a cliff by one last feeble finger. Then, do we genuinely believe what we preach?

Hebrews 11:1 reminds us, “Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.” Faith is a muscle. It needs to be stretched, utilized, and strengthened. And the only place where we can exercise our faith and see it flourish despite the debilitating odds is in our Father’s hands. When the enemy whispers lies, stirring up doubt and confusion, we must act on I Thessalonians 5:16-18. Praise Him through the tears, pray like your life depends on it (because it does), and thank Him in all your crumby circumstances.

We get it. On days of intense spiritual warfare, trusting God seems grueling, but He is in control no matter how we feel. He promises that “all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Repeat it. Believe it.

Friend, we must abide in Jesus, leaning into Him even when we don’t feel Him. Remember His promise in Deuteronomy 31:8: “The Lord is the one who will go before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or abandon you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” Stop reciting these verses in monotony. Listen to them. Trust Him. Your faith muscle can always use a tune-up. Put one foot in front of the other, and before long, you’ll feel your faith strengthen. We can’t promise that your circumstances will change here on earth, but we know who holds your faith in His hands.

As you grow through the stretching of your faith, envision the three of us cheering you on from the sidelines with our ripped jeans, snazzy pom poms, and an abundance of glitter. Glitter makes everything better, right? For the OCD moms with preteen glitter-tossing girls, we apologize for the stress-inducing metaphor. Forget that last part; we digress.

Keep going, friend. Keep trusting. Keep serving. And above all, keep the faith!