Mentoring Lessons- Handling ConflictsSample

Not everyone listens the same way

How do you offer wise counsel to others?

Giving advice to others can be complicated. Some people look like they have listened attentively but are ultimately resistant to change. They disregard your advice. Others look disengaged when you meet but will leave and implement much of your counsel. Strange!

Usually, the best counsel begins by asking several questions. I didn’t know this when people first came to me for advice. I simply gave an answer I was usually very pleased with, without addressing the issue that really concerned them.

What I needed to do was to ask questions of clarification – specific questions that helped me to be aware of the need and exactly what was being asked.

Let me tell you about one of my mistakes. I was asked for wisdom on how to send a sports team cross-culturally. I responded with what I had learned about sending teams of elite athletes. But the question was actually about sending church level sports teams cross-culturally. I needed to ask about the type of teams and the cultures they were entering. But I didn’t discover what they were really asking because I failed to seek clarification.

Periodically you may be asked to help reconcile two people. You usually need to appoint a mediator who is acceptable to both. People listen differently!

On one occasion, the reconciliation was so significant I flew 32 hours to help. The cost and sacrifice for reconciliation is high, but much less than the consequences of ongoing conflict.

Your role is to be kind and honest in your counsel though this isn’t always easy. It is God’s Spirit alone who opens eyes and reveals blind spots.

Scripture to ponder – Proverbs 12:15

The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.

Key Lesson: Your role isn’t to change someone else. You are to be a servant to others and to try and offer wise counsel in love.