The Pursuit of Wisdom and the Benefit to Our Relationships

As much as following Jesus isn’t about pursuing ends for our own benefit, scripture frequently reasserts that wisdom is one thing that, as we pursue it, what’s to our benefit also benefits those around us. Conversely, if we neglect this pursuit of wisdom, we hurt ourselves and those we love most.

The Hebrew word for wisdom literally translates, "skillful." Pursuing wisdom in our relationships means seeking to relate skillfully with one another. In seeking to do life skillfully with one another, we make ourselves lifelong learners in the dynamics of good relationships. We don’t arrive in this endeavor. We’re always on our way to better relationships, even as we increasingly enjoy the benefits of better relationships.

When the author of Proverbs contrasts the wise person and the foolish person, what distinguishes them may not be what you think. Proverbs tells us that the fool thinks their own way is right, but it’s the wise who listens to counsel.

The author is getting at the very counterintuitive idea that what characterizes someone as wise or foolish isn’t how much wisdom one has, but how willing a person is to seek wisdom. The wise person is the one who is willing and eager to seek wisdom.

Solomon, who wrote much of Proverbs, is thought to be one of the wisest people who ever lived. And yet he advises above all else, and more frequently than all else, that we seek wise counsel.

It’s so simple but also so profound. The wise one seeks wisdom, the fool doesn’t, and his relationships suffer for it. What this tells us about our relationships is that the work to overcoming the obstacles to healthy relationships imposed by our childhoods is work we can ignore, but we do so to our own detriment. In doing so, we not only punish our relationships, but we also punish ourselves. When we choose the path of wisdom, we not only benefit our relationships, but we also benefit ourselves.