When Your Way Isn't WorkingSample

It’s Not Working - Day 1

“I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can’t do anything.” (John 15:5)

When I was first confronted with the idea that maybe there were some things in my life that weren’t working as well as I thought they were, or as well as I wanted other people to believe, I was in a coffee shop. I was waiting for a friend to show up. I thought we were just catching up on life.

To be honest, though, I had a lot of things going on that day; I really didn’t have time to meet with him. But I had already canceled a couple times, and knew we needed to connect.

Increasingly, I was having a difficult time connecting with people when there was no agenda or nothing to accomplish. He showed up, and I almost immediately let him know that it was good to see him, but I didn’t have a lot of time. I’m sure he noticed that every few minutes I checked my phone, and several times I had to return text messages that just couldn’t wait.

Then as we sat in that coffee shop, he said something to me. He said, “Hey, I have a friend who’s an executive coach. And I think you should give him a call.”

He recognized that my way wasn’t working. He gently explained that I hadn’t been myself lately. And if I’m honest, I’d tell you the things that he said, I had already been hearing from my wife: that I was less engaged and present with people around me. I seemed tired and disconnected. I was more irritable, more easily annoyed.

My initial response was, I guess, a combination of being dismissive and then defensive. But deep down, I knew he was right. I just wasn’t sure what to do about it.

I’ve never been someone who is easily discouraged or easily worn out, but the last number of months had just been especially challenging. And the people around me, they could see that I was struggling. But I didn’t want to talk about it. I was struggling with the fact that I was struggling, which made me struggle with my struggling even more.

The people around me had to see it for themselves, because they weren’t going to hear about it from me. I mean, not to brag, but I am really good at not asking people for help. Super good at it. I think it’s hard for me because I don’t want to be perceived as weak, and I worry that asking for help comes off as whiny.

If there’s one thing I have a hard time with, it’s grown adults, especially men, who whine. They even have a Bible verse for it, Philippians 2:14: “Do everything without grumbling or complaining.”

I used to keep that verse posted on a wall in both my house and at my office. Not so much as a reminder to me, but as a warning to everybody else: if you’re feeling frustrated or tired or overwhelmed or stressed out or anxious or discouraged or depressed, my counsel to you would’ve been pretty straightforward: “Stop feeling that way, and do something about it.”

That approach worked for me really well, I suppose, until it didn’t. And I’m thankful for someone who sat down and helped me see that I needed to ask for help. I needed to reprioritize my connection with Jesus and with some of the people around me.

For too long, my approach to my way not working was to try my way of making things work. I needed a different way than my way. And I found it in the words of Jesus to his closest followers in John 15.

As long as we stay connected to Him, we’ll bear much fruit. But apart from that, apart from Him, nothing really works the way that it should.

Prayer

Jesus, thank You that I don’t have to do things on my own. Help me remain in you daily.