Unlocking Empathy

How to Overcome Your Empathy Barriers and Truly Connect with People

Empathy, in a simplified definition, is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. However, it really is a great deal more than that.

Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place. When you see another person suffering, like after they’ve lost a loved one, if you have empathy, you can instantly envision yourself going through that same experience and feel what they are going through.

Is it any wonder that “empathy” is an essential key to unlocking the power of “kindness” in your life?

Empathy is the art of “knowing” someone so deeply that you feel what he or she feels compassionately and intimately. The more reflective, intuitive, and attentive you are to your feelings, the more you will be able to connect with the feelings of others.

When you connect empathetically on such a deep and important level, you demonstrate over-the-top kindness, the kindness of letting down your defenses in order to truly “know” someone.

There’s no doubt that our lives and our society could use large doses of empathy. It’s obvious to see that our culture often prefers to dehumanize or demonize people rather than having a heart of empathy toward those who think, act, or believe differently than we do.

In fact, having empathy is not only important when it comes to understanding others, but it also compels us to take action to relieve another person’s suffering.

Walk a Mile in Another’s Shoes

“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels. I myself become the wounded person.” —Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

I love this Walt Whitman quote because it clearly articulates that empathy is walking in other people’s shoes. So too, does the following story by S. Craig Glickman:

Several years ago, a young boy in Dallas was in an accident which necessitated the amputation of one of his arms. He withdrew from his family and friends and refused to talk to anyone. He was literally wasting away in withdrawal from life.

A friend of mine went to the hospital and asked if he might visit with the young fellow. This friend was met with skepticism but was allowed to visit the boy. When he came into the room, he saw the youngster staring out the window. The boy turned to see his visitor, who also lacked an arm. The boy looked at him for a few moments in silence. Then he said angrily, “You don’t know how I feel, you couldn’t.”

“No, friend, you’re wrong,” the man said, “I do know how you feel. I also have lived without an arm.”

The young boy hesitated a moment longer in his anger. Then he broke into tears as he ran toward my friend and put his one good arm around him. It was the beginning of the lad’s recovery, which began when he found someone who really understood him.

We all have difficult experiences in life. And often, God uses the very hardship, difficulty, or grief that we experienced to help others that are going through the same trial.

One of my favorite Bible stories is about the Good Samaritan. We don’t know much about the man other than he was a Samaritan, but I’ve often wondered: had he ever experienced being robbed or beaten at some point in his life? I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

But the story is a glowing example of having a heart of empathy for people and an excellent model of kindness.

Invest a moment to read through some Biblical examples today and reflect on displaying empathy towards others.