Partner BetrayalSample

Shame is an unbearable sense of brokenness that convinces us that we are unworthy of connection, love, and acceptance. Shame first occurred in the garden after the Fall, when God created humans (Adam and Eve), and they rebelled against Him. Adam and Eve realized the magnitude of their decision to eat the fruit, which caused them to become aware of their behavior, ultimately prompted their decision to hide and cover, and resulted in a shame-based view of themselves. Not only did their decision alter the way they saw themselves and each other, but also altered their understanding of who God is. We read they hid in shame when the Lord came looking for them.

Shame tells us to hide and isolate ourselves. Shame implants thoughts of inferiority while averting authentic intimacy with God and others. Shame speaks deception over our lives and falseness into our identity. Shame can cause massive destruction by internalizing a perspective in which you believe you are the one to blame for your spouse's choices.

Learning of a spouse's unfaithfulness through sexual betrayal is distressing and traumatic. Shame will soon follow when sin enters our lives (either through ours or others' behaviors). Shame is a natural human response and provides prolific grounds for the enemy to plant seeds of condemnation. He is the accuser, the father of lies, and he attempts to make us feel worthless. We read that there is no truth in him.

An antidote to shame is a connection with others who can empathize with this authentic experience. But the ultimate antidote to shame is a closer connection with God. God has called us back into a loving relationship and connection through Christ's death, burial, and resurrection. Connecting to God is a divine invitation for you to relish in His agape love for you. It takes great courage to connect intimately with God. He provides a space where you are both fully known and totally loved. His love overcomes the shame by pressing words of truth into your identity as a daughter of the King, and His grace fills your desires for acceptance and purpose. The truth is that you are fully understood, fully loved, and entirely accepted by God. His acceptance of you allows you to come into His presence for comfort and grace and allows Him to speak the truth over you.

Take a moment with God:

1. In what ways have I experienced shame through the discovery of my spouse acting out?

2. What shame lies am I believing?

2. How is shame impacting my fully connecting with God?