Kept in Love: Lullabies for the Both of UsSample

Close To Your Heart

Sometimes, the only way out of suffering is through. This was the reality I had to accept with my second pregnancy. I experienced constant, intense, and debilitating sickness for the first six months of pregnancy. Every single one of those days was a battle. I knew I had to eat, but I fought against the urge to vomit with every bite of dry toast. Throwing up was oftentimes so violent I would black out in the process. The only relief I felt was lying completely still in a dark room. Physically, I felt wrecked. Emotionally, I felt despair. I begged God to remove the pain and give me my life back.

But as the sickness continued with no end-point in sight, I realized I needed to change my prayer. I continued asking God to heal me, but I also started praying something new: God, be with me in the suffering. Instead of waiting to get back to my life until I felt well and happy again, I resolved to be present in my current circumstances in whatever capacity I could. To do so, I knew I needed one thing: the Lord’s compassionate presence with me.

I remember the moment I surrendered my suffering to the Lord. I was sitting in a coffee shop alone, sipping on a slightly nausea-relieving glass of cold herbal tea. I was reading through Isaiah 40 and came across this verse:

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. -Isaiah 40:11

This verse moved me to tears because it acknowledged my vulnerability. I felt so incapable and deficient in the current season, especially as a mother to my one-year-old. But this verse reminded me that God’s eyes don’t gloss over the needy. God moves toward the weak and helpless. He gently leads those that are with young.

Motherhood is full of weak and vulnerable moments like this. While our tendency might be to grapple for a way out of our difficult circumstances, sometimes what we need is simply to be held in the arms of our Heavenly Father, to receive his healing care, and to rest in his compassionate love within our trials.

The prayerful lyrics for a song came to mind on the drive home from the coffee shop: Lord, carry me close to your heart. Gather me up in your arms. I will wait on you for your strength to bring me through. I’m carried by you.

Later, as I reflected on the healing compassion of the Lord, I wrote the following lyrics for “Close to Your Heart”:

Broken hearts you bind up

Drawing near from above

Steady hands, gentle touch

Healing in love, healing in love

You know just what we need

Speak our name tenderly

Shelter us in your wings

Here we can sing, here we can sing

Your source of comfort and strength, God’s compassionate presence, is with you. Run to his arms, and let your weary heart be carried close to His.

Pray for your heart: Take a moment to pray to God, asking for his presence to sustain and comfort you in whatever trial you face.

Pray for your child: Take a moment to pray that any suffering your child experiences in their lives will drive them to the arms of their loving Savior.

Rest: Finally, spend a few quiet moments at rest with God, meditating on his truth:

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. -Isaiah 40:11