Theology for Everybody: RomansSample

There are five ways that religious rules hurt relationships:

1. The focus is on the person’s outward behavior and not their inward nature.

2. We encourage people to live for the praise of men instead of God by doing actions we can see to appear holy.

3. We put a Bible verse on everything to pretend that what we are telling people to do is what God says, abusing His authority for control.

4. We confuse God’s principles with our methods so that if someone does not do things our way, we judge them for being ungodly when they really are not.

5. We try to cover our past pain with rules and legalisms to prevent ever being hurt again.

We must be very careful not to take God’s principles and combine them with our methods because that is using and abusing God’s Word. That cultivates rebellion against God’s Word and hatred for those who quote it. Some people almost end up with PTSD when they hear a Bible verse because they’ve been abused by the Bible so much.

We tend to get the most legalistic, rule-based, and controlling when we think we are protecting the people we care about the most. We think, Somebody needs to be in control, but instead of God, we nominate ourselves. We make our own rules and establish our own authority. The motive is good—“I love them, and I’m trying to protect them”—but the delivery is terrible, and we end up harming the ones we love.

There are far too many people the church has hurt, and I mean religious people. These religious people had some trauma, abuse, or pain in their past, and because they’ve not healed from it, they treat others in an unhealthy way. Over time, hurt people keep adding more rules until the church becomes a prison. I’ll never forget what one pastor told me: “Show me your policies, and I’ll show you your pains.”

It’s hard to rebel against a loving relationship, but it’s very easy to rebel against some legalistic rules. That’s why at our church, I say, “We don’t do membership. We do relationship.” I believe people will do more for love than fear or punishment. I believe a loving environment brings out the best in people, and a religious environment brings out the worst in people.

You may be thinking, But somebody needs to control my kids. His name is the Holy Spirit. But somebody needs to teach my kids. His name is the Holy Spirit. But somebody needs to convict my kids. His name is the Holy Spirit. And don’t forget, you’re a child of God and need the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit wants to give you a new heart as He leads, guides, instructs, protects, and directs you. When you mess up, He’s going to forgive you. He’s going to give you new desires. I met the Lord at age 19 and suddenly had a supernatural love for Jesus. I had a love for the Bible. I’ve studied God’s Word every day since I met Jesus, not because I “have” to, but because I want to! It’s a delight, not a duty. It’s a grace, not a work. In the same way I’ve been faithful to my wife because I like her, I am faithful to Jesus because I like Him.

The Holy Spirit wants to heal your heart. He wants to lift your burdens. He wants to forgive your past. He wants to remove your anxiety. He wants you to trust Him for yourself and the people you love the most. The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to have a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit. The most powerful thing you could teach your kids is how to have a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit. Some people have asked, "How did you raise your kids?” My answer is, “We didn’t. We watched the Holy Spirit raise them.” The Holy Spirit loves you. He’s not there to judge, destroy, condemn, or harm. He loves you, and He’s there to help you.

Today’s Reflection

Who or what are you most likely to make religious rules about? What pain is under that process that needs to be healed?