Theology for Everybody: RomansSample

We’ve all been in a culture of criticism. The nitpicking, mocking, fault-finding, condemning, shaming, and judging are crushing. A culture of criticism is the opposite of a culture of grace, leading to death instead of life. A culture of criticism brings a spirit of judgment, and it can settle in almost anywhere—a family, a church, a company, a friend group, a political party, or even a nation.

In a church, a spirit of judgment creates a religious environment with many man-made rules and criticism. We call this “legalism.” Suddenly, everyone is biting and devouring each other. They’re beating one another down instead of building one another up. They’re not pointing out the encouraging things; they’re only focusing on those things that are discouraging. This also leads to pressure for perfection and harsh accountability.

In a family, a spirit of judgment creates an impossible environment to raise a healthy child. When one or both parents are the judge, the children are always on trial, and there is no difference between sins and mistakes. We had a saying in our home when my kids were growing up: “That wasn’t a sin—that was just a mistake.” We all make mistakes, but a spirit of judgment demands that every mistake be disciplined as if it were a sin. There are only two categories: perfect or worthless, and as soon as you make a mistake, you become worthless. This is one reason why kids learn to hide their mistakes. As parents, we must remember that criticism and judgment are the opposite of grace and love. God’s kindness, not His wrath, leads us to repentance (see Romans 2:4).

In marriage, a spirit of judgment makes the relationship feel as if court is always in session. One person is the judge, sitting up on the bench, holding the gavel, and just waiting for you to do or say something wrong so they can render a verdict. What an impossible place in which to have love or intimacy! And because they’re acting like judges, eventually, they hire divorce lawyers.

In a friendship, a spirit of judgment provokes constant criticism. There’s a running record of wrongs for everyone, which is exhausting and discouraging.

Paul wants believers to develop a strong sense of empathy. When we’re busy judging everyone else, we tend not to judge ourselves, and we fail to understand what it’s like to live under that kind of judgment. Some of you will say, “But what do you do when you see a problem?” That is a fair question.

The difference between a culture of judgment and a culture of grace is the difference between a critic and a coach. Both see your faults, flaws, and failures. The difference is not what they see but rather what they say and how they respond.

A critic wants to harm you. A critic quickly offers negative feedback with no legitimate suggestions for improvement. The goal of a critic is not to help you get better but rather to make himself or herself feel better at your expense. There’s a popular saying that goes, “Everyone’s a critic,” and even though it’s often said in sarcasm or jest, it’s never been truer than in today’s society.

A coach wants to help you. In sports, a good coach walks up to a struggling athlete, puts an arm around them, and says: “Hey, I love you. We all know you messed up. But I believe in you. You can do this.” That coach then advises on improving and says, “Now go back out there. You’re getting a second chance, and I’m rooting for you. I want you to succeed, and I’m here to help you do it.”

It’s easy to be a critic like Satan the Accuser. It’s harder to be a coach like the Holy Spirit, our Helper. We must be very careful that we are not catching the spirit of judgment and contributing to the culture of criticism in our social and political environment. Instead, we need to be people who are about love, relationship, grace, and second chances.

Today’s Reflection

Who sees you as a critic? Who sees you as a coach?