Hope After Loss - Leaning on God After Losing a Loved One to AddictionSample

Was This All My Fault?

Why didn’t I bring her home when I had the chance?

Two days before Lexi passed away, I had made a two-hour drive to spend some time with her. We had lunch and talked about life and her future.

She had spent much of the previous year of her life in discipleship training and on a mission trip to Nepal, clean and sober. But then, in efforts to help a friend, she had a setback and relapsed, and was once again floundering with drug use. Our conversation that day had been so positive. As I drove the two hours home, I felt such hope. This was just a little bump in the road; she was going to be fine.

Two days later, a police officer was at our door, giving me the worst news that I could ever imagine - my daughter was gone.

Immediately, my mind went to all the would-have, should-have, could-haves. If only I had made her come home with me two days before! Then this never would have happened. If only we would have done something to keep our daughter from becoming addicted in the first place. As parents, this must be on our shoulders! If only…

There were a million regrets.

But the truth about addiction is that we as family members are not to blame. Addiction is not something we caused, and it is not a choice our loved one made. Unfortunately, some people have brains that are predisposed to addiction. While some can experiment with drugs or partake in alcoholic beverages and not become addicted, some very quickly become hooked on these substances. I know Lexi would never have chosen the lifestyle of devastation and shame that addiction brought. And I never would have chosen it for her.

Another truth is that as parents, we did everything God led us to do at the time. Had we done everything perfectly? No. Hindsight is 20/20, and it is easy to look back and see what we could have done differently. But when we believe in a sovereign God, we can trust that, shattering though it was for us, what happened to Lexi was within his plan.

According to God, our loved ones have always belonged to HIM. He created them. He is the one who formed their inward parts, who knit them together in their mothers’ wombs. According to His Word, all the days ordained for them were written in His book before one of them came to be. He set His love on them before the beginning of time. He knew the path they would take, and knew their hurts and hopes. Thankfully, He blessed me with the gift of having my daughter in my life for twenty-one years. But she was His to begin with, and she is now safely with Him again.

Who am I to think I had any power to control a situation that was clearly ordained by our loving Creator and God? How could I have ever changed the will of God?

We can take comfort in knowing our loved ones’ addiction and their death are not our fault. We can know their lives were in God’s hands.

Today's Challenge:
Refuse to believe the lies that the enemy uses to bring us down. When your mind starts wandering to what you wish you would have done differently, refocus it on all the things you DID do to help your loved one.

Prayer:
Lord, you are sovereign over all things. You are all-knowing and all-powerful. Thank you for creating my loved one so specially and uniquely, and for setting your love on them from the very start. Thank you for allowing me to know and love them for so many years. Help me to focus on and appreciate the good times we had together. Give me peace and assurance in my heart that everything that happened was within your control.