Identity Conquers LustSample

Shame → Identity in Christ

The last root is shame. Many sex addiction therapists believe shame is the most potent of all the roots. As I mentioned on day 3, there is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says, ‘I’ve done bad,’ but shame says, ‘I am bad.’ There is self-hatred at the core of shame. Shame brings self-condemning thoughts like:

• No one wants me.
• I don’t matter.
• God is done with me.
• If people really knew me, they would reject me.
• I have unfixable problems.

Self-condemnation is very destructive, and it can become an identity itself. It’s worth repeating—the self-condemnation of shame has no place in a believer’s life, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). In Christ, we are forgiven and free. Shame is a major barrier to God’s people truly embracing their identity as beloved children of God. The shame-covered Christian may understand God’s love intellectually, but they don’t truly believe it, and they often feel emotionally numb to the love and acceptance of God.

Paul desperately wanted the Ephesian believers to understand the significance of God’s love for them and their identity in Christ. As mentioned earlier, Paul prays twice while writing Ephesians for his audience to truly understand the implications of these truths. He prays that the Ephesians “may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:18-19).

Part of being filled with all the fullness of God involves living out of the fullness of who we are in Christ. As much as Paul wants us to understand God’s love and our position in Christ, Satan wants us to miss it. Shame and the lies it delivers are one of Satan’s most destructive weapons.

Shame is a spiritual attack that keeps believers stuck in their old mindset and life. Satan’s name means accuser. He can’t stop our salvation, but through the accusations of shame, he can keep us from living the fullness of who we are in Christ. When someone starts believing the lies of shame attacks, they often reinforce those lies by repeating the accusations to themselves through negative self-talk.

For Christians who struggle with porn or other sexual sins, shame is the negative emotion that often triggers them to seek porn to numb the pain. The dopamine rush takes them from feeling worthless to amazing. That is until the shame comes roaring back, and the cycle continues. Because sexual sin goes against God’s standards and their morals, the shame multiplies. One of the saddest things I see is so many Christians today living out of a shame identity instead of their identity in Christ. Instead of seeing themselves as a beloved child of God who is more than a conqueror, they see themselves as worthless, unwanted by God, and hopelessly stuck.

The solution to shame is living out of our identity in Christ. Paul commands, “... put off your old self... put on the new self, created after the likeness of God ...” (v.22-24). We must ‘put off’ the self-condemnation of shame and put on our identity in Christ. Jesus and His work on the cross define us and our worth, not regrettable sins we have committed. Learning to live out of our identity in Christ is multi-layered and involves the other commands we have been looking at: renewing our minds, replacing lies with truth, pursuing holiness, authentic accountability, and processing our emotions. When these practices become a lifestyle, we can more consistently and fully live out of our identity in Christ.

Practices to live out an identity in Christ:

• Memorize and meditate on Romans 8:1 to combat shame.
• Take shame messages captive to obey Christ by writing out the negative self-talk you repeat to yourself. Then replace these lies by memorizing Bible verses that counter them.
• Ask God for help to believe what His word says about your identity. Ask for strength to practice the commands Paul gives in this passage that make living your identity in Christ a lifestyle.
• If you are unsure what it means to be "in Christ" or if you are not 100% sure that you will be in heaven when you die, please watch the video below.

A Prayer to Receive Christ:

God, I admit to You that I’m a sinner and I know that I’m separated from you. Thank you for sending Jesus to die on the cross for my sins. Lord, I want to receive the forgiveness and righteousness that comes through Jesus. Lord, please come into my life to lead me and to make me the person you want me to be. Thank you for eternal life.

If the words of this prayer reflect the desire of your heart, consider praying something like it to God yourself. If you make this decision, let someone know about it and begin your new relationship with God by reading God’s word, praying and spending time with other followers of Christ (ie. church, Bible studies).