Be the One: Would You Marry You?

"The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged" (Luke 7:2).

If you are like most young people hopeful for marriage, you have a list. You want someone who loves children, prays and walks with God, eats healthy, is understanding, is kind, is sensitive, etc. But are you even half of those things that you want? The Bible tells us to stop focusing on the speck of dust in someone else's eye and notice the piece of wood in our own (Luke 7:3). Too many young people are spending lots of time, money, and emotional energy looking for “the one” instead of becoming “the one”. In other words, would you marry you?

I hear people say that they want to marry prayer warriors that wake up at 3:00 a.m. and pull down the strongholds of the enemy. And I ask them, “What about you? Do you wake up to pray at 3 a.m.? Do you pursue that quality you like with similar passion?” They shrug their shoulders and say to me, “That’s why I need a strong person in that area because I am weak.” But God's Word says that we will be measured against the same standard we are using to measure others (Luke 7:2).

What makes you think that the kind of person you want to settle with wants to marry someone their opposite in virtue? How can you expect to find “the one” when you are not being “the one”? You can only attract someone who pursues the same depth as your pursuit.

So the most important question for a single person hoping to get married is not “What kind of person do you want to marry?” but rather, “What kind of person are you becoming? What are you pursuing?” If you want a godly spouse, then pursue God with all your heart and be that godly spouse. When you are pursuing God with your whole heart, you can trust him to provide everything else you need (Matthew 6:33).

Reflection

Make a list of the top 10 characteristics you desire in a spouse. Then prayerfully listen to the Holy Spirit as you evaluate your own life in light of those characteristics. Ask God to show you those areas in which he desires for you to grow.