Living Changed: When Your Birth Story Didn’t Go As ExpectedSample

Meaningful Connection

Most of us expect to have an instant bond with our babies the first time we meet them, but not everyone feels an immediate connection. Even though we’ve carried them for several months, it’s not unusual for it to feel like we’re meeting a total stranger. Just like with any new relationship, it might take time to build a connection.

After I gave birth to my daughter, it was 24 hours before I got to see her again. My husband wheeled me up to the NICU and briefed me on what to expect. She was so much tinier than I remembered. As I stared at her under the glowing blue light of her isolette, I just wept. I was full of doubt in my abilities as a mom, I felt guilty that my body didn’t do what it should have, and I was ashamed that I couldn’t protect her from this. To top it all off, I felt so disconnected from her.

As I cried, my daughter’s nurse helped us prepare for our first skin-to-skin contact. She slowly unlocked the isolette, gathered the cords, and carefully handed my daughter to me. What should have been a beautiful bonding moment came to a sudden stop when my daughter would. not. stop. crying. She cried so hard that her vitals were unstable and she needed to be put back in her isolette. All my thoughts of inadequacy as a mom were reinforced.

However, the next time I saw her, I felt a little more confident. I knew exactly where to go and what to expect when I saw her. When I held her, she didn’t cry as much. Then the time after that, I told her about our family and the room that was waiting for her at home. Day by day, my confidence as a mom grew, and our mother-daughter connection deepened.

Even though my relationship with my daughter didn’t start the way I dreamed it would, I find comfort in the parallels between our relationship and the beginning of my relationship with Jesus. Both took intentionality.

Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” It wasn’t overnight, but as I spent time with God, I learned more about Him. As I learned more about Him, our relationship grew more intimate and I felt more confident in my identity as His daughter. In the same way, after investing in my relationship with my daughter, we built a meaningful connection, a bond that can’t be broken. As I hold my daughter in my arms today, I think I’m beginning to understand a little bit more about how deep and wide God’s love is for His children.

If you’re feeling disconnected from your baby, please believe that your relationship won’t always be this way. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure, just start small. Sing your favorite song to them, go for a walk and point out the things you see, or try holding them skin-to-skin. Through intentional time together, your relationship can and will grow. Even if you felt an instant connection with your baby, just like our relationship with Jesus, there is always an opportunity for growth.

As you get to know your baby more, remember that our Father in Heaven also wants to know you more. Let this season lead you closer to God. Make time to deepen your relationship by talking with Him, reading His Word, and creating space to be still in His presence.

God, thank you for your grace in our relationship and my relationships with the people around me. Help me to grow closer to You. Build my confidence in who You are and who You say I am. Reveal yourself to me and show me where you’re working all things for my good. In Jesus’ name, Amen.