Parenting & the Single Mom: By Jennifer MaggioSample

"I don’t know what I’m doing."

Have you ever found yourself thinking or saying that as a mom? Sure. We all have. While hundreds of thousands of parenting books, podcasts, conferences, and blogs exist to offer parenting insight and helpful tips, our children do not come with an individual user’s manual on exactly what to say and do in every circumstance throughout every season. Often, as moms, we wonder if we’re doing it well or even have a clue! Two of my three children have left the nest, with the third not far behind. As a mother who has been through every parenting season (and now a grandmother), may I offer you the best piece of advice I have ever received?

Tip 1 to parenting as a single mom: Lose the guilt!

In my early years of single parenting, I worked two sometimes three jobs, went to college at night, and often collapsed into bed, having barely seen my children that day. I looked at the happily married moms who were making homemade granola and washing their children’s clothes in detergent they had made and felt consumed with guilt when I drove through McDonald's drive-thru for the third time in a week. They were skipping and singing lullabies with their babies while I was raising my voice, frantically trying to find the other shoe, before the school bus arrived for pick-up. Many times, I felt guilty if my children had missed the mark. For years, I carried immense guilt if my children failed a test, cheated, used profanity, or, in some way, broke the rules before them. I internalized every behavior as a direct reflection of my “poor parenting.” It made me an angry parent, convinced I didn’t measure up. That is why it is so important to lose the guilt as a mom.

There is no condemnation for those of us who are in a relationship with Jesus. He covers a multitude of shortcomings. There will be days when we will parent better than other days – days when we seem to be hitting it out of the park in the parenting department. There will be times when another parent seems to be doing it better. God isn’t grading us according to someone else’s parenting and children! He is asking us to steward our children to the very best of our own abilities, with him at the center.

You cannot parent through guilt. Parenting with guilt causes you to be irrational and unreasonable. It makes us angry and bitter. A measuring stick sets the bar too high for our children to achieve. Guilt often compels us to measure our children against others or place impossible standards so we can feel better about ourselves. We subconsciously want our children to outrun the divorce or out-perform the single parenting stigma. Lose the mom guilt and offer yourself and your children some grace. Nothing effective is accomplished through guilty parenting. Seek God regarding your parenting. Do the very best you can. And give yourself a break.

Points to Ponder:

• Have I been parenting with guilt? How will parenting through guilt negatively impact my children? What steps can I take to become free of guilt?