The Marriage Talks Part 4 | Making It LastSample

Day 3 | Galatians 5 | The Source

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Hello friends and welcome back to The Marriage Talks. Today we hit a big one: the source. How do you make it all happen? What is your inner source of love, respect, humility, commitment, joy, and willingness to submit and sacrifice? Let’s be real. The Bible set us some really high standards for marriage. Good intentions and the old college try just aren’t gonna cut it. What if you give your best and fail? What if it’s just not in you?

Well, for that I have some good news and I have some bad news. The bad news is: it’s not in you. At least, not in your flesh. The good news is: there’s still hope. What you need is Spirit. Not your spirit, God’s Spirit. Allow me to explain.

Our chapter today is Galatians 5, and the heart of it is verse 22:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23a).

Think through that list. What if you had all of those in your marriage? Imagine it. Both of you full of love and joy, loving each other and enjoying life together. At peace with yourself and your spouse. Always patient and understanding, not keeping track of wrongs, but just plain good to each other. And kind—like thoughtful and generous. And faithful—which means always loyal and true to each other. And gentle. That’s strong but safe—never harsh. And when you do think of something mean or cruel to say, having the self-control to hold it back. That sounds like a really good marriage. I mean if you just had those, you’d be set. And it’s really simple: it’s all the fruit of the Spirit.

So what does that mean? Well, the Bible uses the word fruit to describe what your life naturally produces. Orange trees produce oranges, apple trees make apples, and people who are filled with and led by the Holy Spirit produce love. It just comes naturally. In John 15, Jesus explains it this way:

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

I love that picture. It’s simple. He is the vine, you are the branch. So keep your roots firmly planted in Jesus. Roots are what keep you grounded in a storm, and they deliver the water and nutrients that you live on. In other words, they connect you to your source—spiritually speaking. And if your source is God, your fruit will be love. Because God is love. Ephesians 3 says something similar. Just two chapters before the Bible’s essential passage on Christian marriage, Paul prays first that we would be:

“…rooted and established in love” and “…filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17b & 19b).

That is your source for everything you need for a good marriage. If you want to love your spouse like God loves your spouse, that love has to come from God himself. And that happens by the power of the Holy Spirit flowing through you.

And when it happens, it comes naturally. Now you can try to make it happen in your own strength, but it won’t work. You just can’t fake the funk. And that’s what the book of Galatians is all about. If this message hits home, please check out our plan called Galatians Explained. And just to be clear, I’m not saying that only Christians know how to love. Everyone can love, and we’re all made in God’s image. But forget everyone else, I’m talking to you about your life and your marriage, and how the Bible says it works.

A little context. Galatians is a letter from Paul to Christians in Galatia who were making one crucial mistake: they were trying to live for God in their own strength. They started out right: simply trusting in Jesus and relying on his grace. But then they got caught up in all the rules, and all the rights and wrongs of being the Christian that you’re supposed to be. And they lost track of grace. It’s easy to do. It happens when you’re trying so hard to do the right thing that you lose focus on your source. Like you’re a branch that wants so badly to make good fruit, you lose track of your roots and fall off the vine. But here’s the key, and every gardener knows it: If you want good fruit, water the roots not the fruit.

In other words, don’t try really hard to love your spouse, put your focus on sinking your roots into God’s love, and just let it flow through you. God already loves your spouse, and He wants you to show it.

Now Galatians 5 is about your whole life as a Christian, but let’s apply it to marriage. Paul draws a clear line between two potential sources for your life: the flesh and the Spirit. Walking in the flesh means living by your own strength apart from God. Walking by the Spirit means living by the power of the Holy Spirit. In verse 16:

“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law” (Galatians 5:16-18).

In other words, when you’re living in the flesh, your desires work against you. You desire sin, and it will destroy your marriage. Now you can try to restrain your flesh and fight against it and follow the rules to be a good Christian husband or wife, but you’re really just battling flesh with flesh. It’s kinda like a man covered in mud trying to clean one muddy hand with the other one. It won’t work. Your one hope is to let the flesh die, reckon it dead on the cross with Jesus, and live by the Spirit.

Paul explains the acts or works of the flesh, and the list is basically everything that will ruin your marriage. In verse 19:

“Sexual immorality” - that’s cheating.

“Impurity and debauchery” - that’s a divided heart and sinful living.

“Idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage” - sounds like a miserable marriage.

“Selfish ambition” - as in living for yourself, unwilling to submit or sacrifice.

“Dissensions, factions and envy...” Do you get the picture?

(Galatians 5:19-21).

This is basically your standard recipe for a doomed marriage. And the Bible says it’s the flesh doing what it does naturally. So, don’t expect to end it by working harder in the flesh! Your one chance at getting this right is the Holy Spirit.

Get right with God. Put your faith in Jesus and the free offer of forgiveness at the cross. His grace is sufficient. Allow Him to graft you into the vine and sink your roots into His love, then watch what happens as the Holy Spirit flows through you. What happens is good fruit.

Now this isn’t automatic just because you’re a Christian. Galatians was written to Christians who were getting it wrong. You must choose to abide in Jesus daily. And remember, I read this as one singular fruit: love—and the rest as expressions of love. In verse 22:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love…” (Galatians 5:22).

"Joy" - Enjoy each other, smile and laugh together. Let it strengthen you through trials.

"Peace" - Live with your hearts at peace with one another.

"Forbearance"- Be patient and willing to wait, slow to anger and quick to forgive.

"Kindness" -Always considerate and thinking of little ways to bless each other at every opportunity.

"Goodness" - Be a good man. Be a good woman.

"Faithfulness" - That’s loyal and true to each other and to your covenant.

"Gentleness" - Not weak, but safe and tender-hearted toward one other.

"Self-Control" - With the strength to resist all those temptations that will ruin your marriage.

(Galatians 5:22-23).

Paul says when you live like that—when the Holy Spirit is your source—you don’t need a law or rules to guide you. Love just flows. So let’s talk about it. Read Galatians 5, then talk through these questions:

For Thought & Discussion

Question #1: Read through the fruit of the Spirit, and each of you pick two that stand out as key for a good marriage. Why are those important?

Question #2: How do you produce the fruit of the Spirit in your marriage? Remember what I said about watering the root and not the fruit, and talk about how to do that in your day-to-day life.

And I’ll see you back here next time.

Read Galatians 5:16-23, John 15:5

All verses are quoted from the NIV unless otherwise noted.