Reaching My Full Potential and How You Can TooSample

Chris is Born 

Chris was born on October 6, 1999. The first thing I noticed about him was that he looked so small. He weighed only a little over five pounds, half the amount of his sister’s birth weight. He had cute, tiny ears and looked like a baby monkey. I even called him our little monkey when he was born, and I still call him that today.

The doctors rushed him away for tests, but we knew right away he had Down syndrome. Those almond-shaped eyes were unmistakable. The doctors were gone for a while, and when they returned, they told us Chris had Down syndrome as well as a VSD, a ventricular septal defect—basically, a hole in his heart. They couldn’t operate yet because he was too fragile. After an extra day in the hospital, we took him home.

Before we left, one of the doctors who had done the blood work on Chris came in to debrief us about our child. His bedside manner was terrible as he outlined all the things that we could expect to happen or expect not to happen in Chris’s case. He said we would call ourselves very fortunate if Chris could learn to tie his shoes. Chris would always be dependent on us for everything. He could never hold down a job or live any place by himself. If we could afford this option, we’d probably want to consider institutionalizing him at some point. Whatever dreams we had formulated for our child should be abandoned. Why torture ourselves with hopes that could never come true? I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Once we got home, we entered what I call our week of sadness and mourning over the son we had dreamed about but would never have. I had always been driven by a type A personality, overcoming any obstacle in my path. It wasn’t difficult for me to conjure up images of my equally high-achieving son. After all, Jacky had already set the pace: she had started walking at nine months.

Like many kids today, Jacky played youth soccer and used to fly up and down the field. She was so physically gifted that she made the junior varsity track team as a thirteen-year-old middle schooler. She is also smart as a whip and worked hard enough in school to wind up going to an Ivy League university and becoming a Division I athlete.

I imagined Chris being in this mold, a six-foot-nine male version of Jacky (and me) to whom I would impart my work ethic and skills in endless backyard one-on-one games. He would become this amazing specimen who went on to play basketball and be a leader on his team as well as in the classroom. Best of all, I could give Chris the benefit of all the things I didn’t have growing up poor. That was probably going to be the sweetest thing of all, right? What parent doesn’t want his child to have more than he did growing up? What parent doesn’t want his child to be all he can be—to be better than him at something?

Of course, when a parent learns that a child has Down syndrome, those feelings, which are an important part of his own identity as a parent, all go away. What was I left with? At first, a powerful sadness that left me lying on the bed with my arm over my eyes, crying. But, gradually, mourning over the son I didn’t have turned into something quite different: acceptance of and love for the beautiful baby I did have. It wasn’t long before the three of us started falling in love with our little Chris. I think Patty was always there, but I was right behind her.

Jacky always told us that she wanted a little brother to play with, so when Chris was born, she was all over him. For as long as I can remember, Jacky has been fiercely protective of Chris. There were times when Jacky was in high school that I had to talk my little alpha daughter down from exacting revenge on a classmate who had made a disparaging remark about Chris. “They’re not worth the trouble,” I tried to assure her.

Yes, we were a bit uncertain of what the future would hold. We understood that Chris would miss out on some things, but Jacky, Patty, and I had the fire in our bellies to make his life the best it could be. We were determined that Chris was going to be a vital part of our family. “He’s going to surprise us. You’ll see!” We knew God had a plan for Chris.

Respond

What is God’s plan and purpose for your life?

What challenges have you faced in your life? How has God helped you?

Prayer

Lord, I give today to You. Show me Your plan.