Free to Thrive: How Your Hurt, Struggles & Deepest Longings Can Lead to a Fulfilling LifeSample

Hurt & Unmet Longings

Growing up I (Ben) deeply desired:   

• Acceptance – to be included, loved, and approved of as I was, no matter what.  
• Attention – to be known and understood with someone entering my world.  
• Assurance of safety – to feel safe, protected, and provided for. 

I longed for these things from my parents, relatives, and friends, but I often didn’t experience them.

Oftentimes, I couldn’t meet the expectations of my dad and experienced his disapproval. I was teased by friends for being a Christian and for being overweight, and I constantly witnessed my mom’s fear in life.

As humans, our longings go unmet, whether in our past or in the present. We live in a broken world and we all hurt at times – whether through things done to us, or missing out on the things we needed. 

Hurt can happen in all kinds of ways, including name-calling, injustice, insults, manipulation, teasing, being rejected or criticized by friends, or sexual or physical abuse. Other times hurt can come through an emotionally or physically absent parent, being ignored by friends or family, being uninvited, or the death of a loved one.

Our pain is real and must be named. Only then can we know the places in our lives where we need to invite Jesus and others in to help us heal.

Sometimes the hurt is temporary. But often our hurts build up, leading to deep caverns of unmet longings, causing an insatiable thirst to have our longings fulfilled.

No matter the hurt you’ve experienced, Jesus understands. He walked among us. He experienced suffering, too. He mourns with you (John 11:35). And He desires to bring you healing.

Take a moment to bring your pain to God. Rest in His comfort and loving arms. 

1. Growing up, how did you experience unmet longings for acceptance, safety, and attention?

2. In what ways have you experienced hurt that lingers to this day?

3. How have these negatively impacted your life or community?