Single Shouldn't SuckSample

Myth #1: Being single is just a stepping stone to marriage.

*Cue eye twitch*

I cringe every time someone says this line. In fact, I'd rather pluck all my eyebrows out than listen to catchphrases from well-meaning individuals who are attempting to comfort lonely singles. While I appreciate the sentiment, I have to admit this statement idolizes marriage and while it attempts to give our singleness a valid purpose, it reduces the quality and power of the season of life. It also makes the assumption that everyone will get married, which is simply not the case. So if singleness isn't a stepping stone to getting married, what is it? I'm so glad you asked. In Genesis chapter 2, after God created Adam, He says it's not good for man to be alone. He promises to make a suitable helper for him, but instead of creating the helper immediately, God gives Adam a job. I can just imagine God saying, "Hey Adam, I know you're feeling a little lonely, but don't worry, I'm about to create this being called "woman", and believe me, you will not be disappointed! But in the meantime, there are about 100,000+ animals roaming through the garden I haven't had the chance to name. Could you get on that?"

While I'd like to think Adam was just as impatient as us, I imagine he found peace in what God said. Though he may have still felt a void (because that's how God made him) I imagine he was excited to get to work and fulfill his assignment. I'm not sure how long it was until God made Eve, but I highly doubt Adam was counting down the days. He was living his best life, climbing trees, hanging with the lions and tigers, cultivating the garden, and discovering more about himself and God. The byproduct of living his purpose naturally prepared him for marriage.

I wonder if you view singleness through the lens of this myth, spending all your energy on preparing yourself for marriage. Maybe, even resentfully coveting your friend's relationships wishing your season away. But let me just tell you, this season isn't wasted space in your life! It isn't a stepping stone. It's a foundational time, the main course, a wild experience of wonder and a straight-up adventure all its own! God's desire is that you would enjoy this time as you are becoming more like Him. Psalm 37:3 says, "Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." As you trust in the Lord and delight yourself in Him, your desires will follow His leading.

So how do you break free from this myth? Take inventory of your life. Are you hyper-focused on bettering yourself as a future wife/husband? Do you obsessively write letters to your future spouse or is your wedding Pinterest-board maxed out? Do you have an unrealistic fantasy about the type of person you will marry and won't give anyone who doesn't 'measure up' the time of day? Not that any of these things are wrong, but they can easily become an idol when we place too much trust in them and not in God. Are you living out your purpose? Are you discovering more about yourself and God? Take some time to reflect on where your focus has been and shift it onto learning to trust God's word and enjoy what's right in front of you.