Understanding Sexual Sin: What Is It?Sample

SPECIAL CONCERNS

We have said that sexual sin can be defined as any sexual attitude or behavior that deviates from God’s original design for human sexuality: one man and one woman joined together in a one-flesh union within the bonds of marriage (Genesis 1:27; 2:24). Some of these deviations deserve a closer look inasmuch as they have become especially problematic, prevalent, or controversial in contemporary culture. 

Here’s a short list:
1) Pornography. Due in large part to the growth of the Internet, pornography has become pervasive within our culture over the past couple of decades. Pornography represents a departure from God’s design for sex in that it depersonalizes real people, strips them of their dignity, and turns them into sexual objects. It victimizes men and women, boys and girls, people of all ages, professions, social classes, and walks of life, including pastors and professional ministers.

If you or your spouse struggle with an addiction to pornography, you need to find some serious help right away, preferably from a qualified Christian therapist who specializes in sexual addiction. Because it is rooted in the basic human craving for relationship, sexual addiction is tenacious and progressive in nature. To put it another way, porn is powerful primarily because it offers a counterfeit form of intimacy and attachment. Depersonalized sex cannot ultimately satisfy the longings of the human heart.

2) Homosexuality and same-sex attractions. Homosexuality is problematic from the Christian point of view because it denies the scriptural distinction between male and female. Sexual attraction is a complex subject, of course. The origins of sexual feelings often lie deeply hidden within the individual psyche and are best explained in terms of developmental psychology and trait development. There is no single “one-size-fits-all” theory (like “choice” or “genetics”) to account for them. It is possible, however, to gain valuable insights into some of the factors that may have contributed to shaping these feelings. 

There are a variety of tools to help in this process, including: individual or group therapy, prayer, healthy relationships, discipleship, reading and writing in a journal. In turn, these insights can be useful in freeing those who struggle with same-sex attractions from emotional bondage and enabling them to live according to consciously chosen values. It’s a good idea to begin by seeking out the assistance of a trained Christian counselor with a biblical worldview who is compassionate, understanding, and experienced in the area of same-sex attractions.

If you wrestle with same-sex attractions, bear this in mind: while sexual orientation can’t be reduced to a matter of mere “choice,” choice can be a significant factor in the process of taking control of your life and living according to your ideals and values. There is such a thing as self-control, and it is possible to subject your behavior to your will regardless of what your emotions are saying.

Habits can be changed. This takes discipline and determination, and perhaps most importantly, support from caring and non-judgmental individuals who share your values, but it can be done. You can meet the challenge successfully by adopting a values-led approach. Start by taking some time to think about your personal belief system and faith-commitment. 

Ask yourself, “What is most important to me? What is the guiding ‘polestar’ of my life?” If you consider yourself a Christian, you will want to examine your faith convictions with great care and give them priority over every other consideration. Remember that it is never wise to give more weight to feelings than to rational conclusions and clear biblical teachings. Feelings don’t make you who you are. Beliefs, values, and conscious commitments do. God has revealed in Scripture what is the most deeply “true” about you: namely, that you are a person, male or female, created in the Image of God.

3) Masturbation. Masturbation is a highly controversial topic. The Bible never directly addresses it, and Christian leaders differ widely in their understanding of its spiritual and moral implications. This is an area where we have to be careful about laying down hard and fast rules or making definitive statements about the mind of God (though Scripture does clearly address behaviors that are often related to this activity).

At the most basic level, masturbation violates God’s original design in that it focuses on self and eliminates or depersonalizes (like pornography) the “other-orientation” of healthy sexuality. The Bible tells us 1) that sex is central to the process by which husband and wife become one flesh (Genesis 2:24); and 2) that sex and marriage are intended to serve as a picture or symbol of the union between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31, 32). Sex, then, isn’t intended to be “all about me.” Rather, it’s designed to function as part of the give-and-take of an interpersonal relationship.

It’s worth adding that masturbation, which usually originates as a coping mechanism or self-soothing behavior, can often become extremely addictive due to the powerful hormonal and psychological components it entails.  If you have a problem with masturbation, you may want to keep this in mind and consider replacing this negative behavior with a more legitimate method of addressing the underlying need: for example, by talking things over with a friend, reading an engaging book, listening to music, pouring yourself into a constructive project or serving other people. 

Ultimately, the pain you are trying to anesthetize through the practice of masturbation is just another manifestation of the “God-shaped vacuum” that exists at the center of every human heart. Only a relationship with the Lord can fill that empty space in a deep, lasting and satisfying way.

For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s website, or call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).