Leading Equally

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Ephesians 5:25

God created marriage.

This union of marriage, whether yours is good or bad, was not the invention of a politician or attorney. Nor was it imagined by some social media influencer. From the very beginning of beginnings, marriage was created by God.

That design requires order just like everything else to survive and thrive. Part of that order is in our marital roles. This isn’t outdated or obsolete. It’s eternal. Yet, people become indifferent when words like surrender, submission, and servant are used. Suddenly, we’ve adopted a moral superiority superseding God’s design.

Terms like surrender, submission, and service are not negative words to the selfless servant. Take a look at the Navy SEALs for example. Do you see them as weak? Of course not, but they must surrender their authority to a chain of command and submit to training, discipline, and mentoring before they are allowed to earn the honor of wearing the SEAL trident. Only then are they presented to serve.

It’s no different with marriage.

I believe the challenge comes from not identifying the difference between leadership and headship. The husband and wife are completely equal. Although God created Adam first, He created Eve equal. This is where leadership is shared equally between you two.

The missing element in most discussions about roles in marriage is found in headship. God designated man as the spiritual head of his family. This does not equal leader, boss, better or first. Headship is a gender-specific assignment of responsibility. It’s a spiritual designation requiring men to love their wives.

Ephesians 5 is where we stumble if we’re looking to stumble. But, in the context of understanding that you are both equal and leaders, nowhere does God appoint a man as the boss. He demands that husbands love their wives, and as the spiritual head of that union, be willing to give himself up for her as Christ does for His bride the church.

I’m not sure about you, but those very words people get so upset about when they misrepresent them as applying to only women – surrender, submission, and servant – also apply directly to men, too.

CALL TO ACTION:

What are both of you good at? Leah is the money manager in our home, while I’m better at initiating activities for the family. It doesn’t mean either is less than the other, it just means God blessed us with different gifts.

Take time to talk with each other about the areas in your marriage where God has gifted you. Identify those strengths and focus on supporting and developing them in each other.