Light at the End of the Tunnel

"I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, this is it, all my life I've suffered, but this is too much." These are the words I reiterated to friends, family, and my church group, during the most horrific event in my life. 

Depression, anxiety, and fear had infiltrated the core of my being and I was broken. My body eventually caved in as I suffered a nervous breakdown.

There were parallels to my story and of Job in the Bible, sharing a resemblance to great suffering and loss.  My church community would attempt to comfort me with hope and yet I’d find the pain silencing their words. I was desperate. I just wanted the pain to stop. I realised, happiness was just a reactive emotion that was short-lived and I needed more.  

When reading this verse, I wrestled with what James was trying to communicate, often wondering what state of mind he was in when writing these words. Surely, he must realise that suffering and pain have no relationship with joy? Am I expected to keep a tally of these afflicting occurrences and go through the torturous process of reminding myself of each scar, cashing in each time, rather than withdrawing them from my mind, hoping to find Joy along the way as an incentive to banking my woes? Or, was I missing something? 

Hindsight is a great educator. The darkest hours were where my greatest lessons were taught.  Upon reflection, I analysed my behaviour and how I shifted my focus away from the suffering itself to fixing my eyes completely on Jesus. I could not negate the physical and mental suffering, 

and the verse does not take away from this either, but there was a mindset change. I just desperately wanted to seek His face and nothing else. 

I can now look back and see how God pulled me through the storm. But, most importantly, how He promises to be with us, carrying us through suffering. The problem was my understanding of suffering came from a selfish place which hindered me from understanding the biblical view of Joy during these hardships. The joy experienced by unsaved people is temporary and situational. Remaining steadfast in our knowledge that our salvation lies with Jesus, that He alone is our strength and comfort and joy that can alleviate suffering, no matter what circumstances we find ourselves.