Raising Joy-Filled KidsSample

David was a man who often had to bounce back from negative emotions. Once his men wanted to stone him for leading them on a mission that allowed Amalekite raiders to burn the city and kidnap their families. David was greatly distressed, but he took some time to find strength in the Lord his God (1 Samuel 30:1-6). On another occasion he was so angry he was going to kill a fool named Nabal. However, Nabal’s wise wife Abigail stopped David from doing something rash by validating his emotions of anger with Nabal. She then made the problem smaller for David and redirected him to a better plan that was based on faith in God. By remaining relational and acting like herself, Abigail was able to help David bounce back from his anger and remember how to be the man God had called him to be. 

We help our kids learn how to bounce back from hard emotions by practicing VCR. V is validate. C is comfort. R is recover. Like Abigail, we want to meet our kids in their emotions before we try to fix their problems. We comfort them by offering perspectives and plans that make their problems more manageable. Once a problem feels manageable kids are able to bounce back and return to joy. 

• Validation 

At any stage of life we can help our kids bounce back from upsetting emotions by practicing the VCR process. The order is crucial. We can’t just fix our kids problems (especially at the adult stage). We need to validate their emotions before trying to make their problems smaller. We certainly don’t want to be dismissive of their emotions or minimize their problems. Validation is always a good idea. You can practice validating by naming the emotions we see in our children and identifying how big they are for our kids.  If we are accurate, our kids will feel seen and heard and cared for. Try this. For one week, just focus on validating emotions. Resist the temptation to fix anything until your child feels completely seen, heard, and understood.  When validation becomes a habit, your parenting world will change.