Deep Clean: Getting Rid of Shame, Toxic Influences, and UnforgivenessSample

Deep Cleaning Toxic Relationships 

Many of us struggle with the tension of loving others while also setting boundaries for ourselves. But what if the two aren’t at odds? What if setting boundaries might be the most loving thing you can do? 

The thing is, our friendships matter significantly. Pastor Craig Groeschel often says, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” 

Proverbs 13:20 NIV reminds us: 

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.   

If your future is influenced by your closest friends, do you like the direction your life is headed? 

It’s a big question, but it’s an important one to regularly ask yourself. It’s okay—and encouraged—to limit toxic relationships. That doesn’t mean we don’t love others or that we can’t have non-Christian friends.

It does mean that we set boundaries in our relationships and that our closest friends are ones who are encouraging us toward love, good works, and godliness. 

Jesus modeled this for us in His ministry on earth. In Matthew 12, He’s hanging out with His disciples, and some Pharisees start questioning His character, His motives, and His friends. Jesus asks them a series of questions to try to help them see what’s right. 

Then, He heals someone on the Sabbath, and the Pharisees are ticked off about it. In fact, verse 14 tells us that in that moment, they plot to kill Him. 

What’s Jesus’ response? 

He doesn’t stick around to convince them they’re wrong. He doesn’t continue to ask them to see reason. Here’s what he does: 

Aware of this, Jesus withdrew from that place. A large crowd followed Him, and he healed all who were ill. Matthew 12:15 NIV

Jesus left. He set a boundary, and He stuck to it. He knew that staying would only anger the Pharisees and prevent Him from living out His purpose. So He moves on with His disciples and keeps healing people. 

We can follow His example. We spend energy trying to love others, care for others, and tell others about Jesus. But when that energy is met with closed hearts and open hostility, we walk away and keep going. 

We keep sharing God’s love. We keep doing God’s work. We keep doing what’s good. 

It’s okay to limit relationships that limit you. While we are challenged to love our enemies, pray for those who persecute us, and go the extra mile for others, we’re also encouraged not to throw our pearls to pigs—meaning that we can’t spend all of our energy on those who won’t receive our love in the first place. 

So, today, consider any relationships that you might need to deep clean. Then, spend time praying about how you can set some loving boundaries. 

Pray: God, thank You for Your truth. Show me any relationships in my life where I need to set boundaries, and give me the wisdom to know what those boundaries are and the courage to stick to them. Help me become a better friend to those in my circle, and show me which relationships to invest my energy in. In Jesus’ name, amen.