Aftershock - Confronting Your HusbandSample

How to Respond to His Response: Possibility 3

Possibility 3: How to Respond If He Denies That He Has a Problem and Refuses to Cooperate in Any Way.

An intentional separation is a bold and biblical step. This option should never be taken lightly, but Matthew 19:8 makes a provision. Although this verse doesn’t specify separation, a structured separation to test the situation is the last option before a divorce, given your husband’s unrepentant infidelity. Your actions will bring him to a point of decision.

An ultimatum carries with it a consequence. Instead of saying to your husband, “We are at an impasse, and you need to move out,” you would say, “Either we deal with this by getting counseling together beginning right away, or you will have to look for another place to live until you’re ready to help resolve this problem.”

A temporary separation may be just what it takes to open his eyes to the seriousness of his actions and stimulate some badly needed self-examination. Until he’s forced to confront a strong consequence, such as separation, he may never find the motivation to change. But be prepared to follow through on your stated consequence if he still refuses to change.

If he refuses to move out of the house, you may have no choice but to move out yourself. Before you pack a bag and leave, however, make sure that your support system is in place, that people are praying for you, and that you actually have a place to stay, such as the home of a friend or family member. Let your spouse know where you can be contacted and make it clear that you will be ready to resume negotiations as soon as he is willing to reciprocate.

Additionally, if a separation endures for any length of time, it’s important to prepare a structured marital separation plan or contract that can be documented. A good counselor can help you with this. Your contract should include clear expectations regarding finances, visits, notifications, and specific boundaries around romantic or emotional entanglements that will further compromise the marriage.

Next, we’ll examine what to do if your husband never repents.