Fearless Families: Building Brave Homes in an Uncertain WorldSample

Courage: What Every Day Demands

“I’ll go first” are three words that can transform any relationship. 

Now it’s true that in many aspects of relating to others, we should rarely go first. Too many family and work interactions are hindered by the selfishness of one or more parties. 

But when conflict arises, we need to be the first to do the right thing. We need the courage to act and lead. Healing often begins after one person takes the initiative to do what needs to be done. As Billy Graham said, “Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened.”

Let’s look at some times when you need to go first: 

Be the first to break the silence. When you have had a falling-out with someone, it’s tempting to run, avoid, and remain silent, but that's a mistake. If you’re in a relationship that’s broken, be the first one to make a call, send a text, speak, or take any action that opens the door to reestablishing the relationship.

Be the first to admit fault. Denial is easier. It’s more comforting to downplay your mistakes and to blame others. But taking responsibility for your actions and admitting wrongdoing makes for a powerful statement and announces to others that they are safe with you to admit their own mistakes. 

Be the first to change. While it’s easy to point fingers and list all the ways others need to change their actions and attitudes, it’s not as easy to look at yourself. Model the behavior you want to see from other people. If something needs to change, let the change begin with you.

Be the first to forgive. One of my favorite worship songs begins, “Everyone needs compassion.” We all need forgiveness, and because our need is so great, we should be quick to forgive others (Mark 11:25). This doesn’t mean you must ignore offenses or downplay disputes. It does mean you should refuse to hold others’ mistakes over their heads.

Be the first to act. Words are easy; actions are not. The habit of humanity is to drift toward apathy and inaction when faced with a need. If you want to be different, take action. If a situation needs work, be the first to step up. 

“I’ll go first” are three of the most powerful words in the English language. They can be as impactful on a relationship as “I love you” or “I forgive you.” 

If no one will step up and say these words, families will remain estranged, businesses will remain ineffective, and communities will remain split and disengaged. But when someone displays the courage to go first, it creates a climate in which others must choose whether they will respond in kind. 

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