30 Ways To Strengthen Your FamilySample

Vow to Be the Parent (Not the Best Friend)

Set clear boundaries. Take something like nonhomework computer time. Teens need to know how much of it they’re allowed to have. A vaguely worded caution, such as “Don’t be on there too long,” followed by irritation when they’ve passed some time marker that’s only in your own head, doesn’t help. Tell them clearly, “You can only be online for X minutes”—and stick to it. The same principle applies to other areas of life. Let them know as clearly as possible what you expect.

Enforce the rules. Rules without enforcement are meaningless. Yet we constantly hear parents saying, “Don’t do that” again and again—as their children, of course, do it repeatedly with no consequences. It would actually be better for these parents to say nothing and let their kids simply do whatever they wanted. That way, at least the parents wouldn’t be teaching their children contempt for authority.

Don’t plead with your children to behave. Make it clear that you expect them to obey. Obedience is a dirty word in our pop culture. But if you don’t require it with your kids, you will all be in trouble. You will set them up for failure in life now and in the future. Teens have to obey the rules at school or they could get suspended; teens and adults have to obey the rules of the workplace or they could get fired. As a parent, teaching your children or teens to obey means (brace yourself, modern parents) saying a well-considered no and remaining firm.

Despite what many parenting “experts” say, your children won’t be scarred for life. Indeed, they’ll be much better off. If you really love them, you’re more concerned with shaping their character and teaching them how to succeed in life than you are with winning a popularity contest. Let’s face it: there’s no other reason to bother being the parent, because setting rules and enforcing them is hard work. Nothing could be easier than just sitting back and letting our children become tyrants. We do the work of being parents because we love our children.

Don’t discipline in anger. I know—easier said than done. We’ve all had moments when we’ve flown off the handle and reacted in anger. But it’s important for your children to realize that their punishment is just and that it’s not coming simply because you’re upset. Take some time to cool off before you say or do something you might regret. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “We’ll talk about this later, young man.” (Make sure you do, of course!)