Thrive: Building Stronger Marriages . . . TogetherSample

Conflict

While conflict is inevitable in marriage, we don’t need to fear it. Two people with individual personalities, expectations, and histories aren’t going to agree on everything. In successful marriages, couples don’t avoid or eliminate conflict; they learn to navigate it in a way that leads to greater intimacy rather than isolation. 

All couples have a choice. When faced with conflict, they can turn away from each other or turn toward each other. Couples who learn how to face issues and turn toward each other experience deeper, more satisfying marriages. They don’t stop having conflicts, but the destructive power of their problems is minimized. 

Since conflict is unavoidable, we need to improve the way we handle it. 

The good news is that Scripture offers us healthy guidelines for living harmoniously with each other. Let’s revisit 1 Corinthians 13:4–7: 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

Let’s look at four principles from this passage and see how they apply to conflict: 

LOVE IS PATIENT. Slow down. Be patient with your spouse. Try not to let a disagreement escalate into a battle. The first few minutes of a conversation almost always determine the outcome. 

LOVE IS NOT PROUD. Swallow your pride. When you’re hurt, feel attacked or dishonored, or have strong emotions about the topic of discussion, your pride pulls you into attack mode. Humility doesn’t make you a doormat. It has the power to calm conflict. It’s nearly impossible to fight with a humble person. 

LOVE REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. We all tend to exaggerate our own righteousness. It’s human nature. We frame our words, motives, and behavior in the best light. But sometimes we need to consider that our spouse’s perspective may be correct. We need to be open to admitting that truth.

LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS, TRUSTS, HOPES, AND PERSEVERES. Keep leaning toward your spouse. Navigating a conflict in a healthy way requires that you have regular conversations. Avoid allowing tension to build up. If you do, an argument over one issue will cascade into an argument over a series of unresolved issues that have built up over time. 

Conflicts aren’t fun, but they are inevitable. Addressed in healthy ways, they become opportunities to enhance relational intimacy. God uses them to draw us into greater dependence on his grace, which makes us better partners.