Overcome Porn: The 40 Day ChallengeSample

Do your allies know how to encourage you in the face of setbacks? It might feel daunting to have a conversation about your failings. But remember, God lifts up the fallen, brings us out of darkness, and makes us strong when we are weak (Is. 41:10, Mic. 7:8, Ps. 145:14).

Share these eight steps with your ally:

1. Set aside time to talk. Don’t try to squeeze the conversation into a busy day. Plan a time to talk face-to-face or over the phone.

2. Share uninterrupted. It may be tempting for your ally to start jumping in right away with advice (and that’s part of what you asked them to do). But they need to listen first so they can see a bigger picture of what is tripping you up.

3. Figure out how you are best encouraged. Think about how you would answer this question: “When these things happen, what it the best way for your ally to encourage you?” Encourage them to encourage you in that way. 

4. Look for the small steps. Being able to open up about something that you are ashamed of is a step in the right direction. Ask your ally to keep encouraging you to open up, and to look for small changes and point them out over time. 

5. Plan preventative steps. Brainstorm practical ways to put a wall between yourself and temptation. 

6. Tap the power of positive motivations. Have your ally ask, “What do you have to gain in life by avoiding these temptations? Instead of giving into this temptation, what kind of person do you want to become?” Ask your ally to help you find a bigger vision for your life—to be a better spouse, a better parent, and a person of consistent faith and courage. 

7. Tap the power of negative motivations. Have your friend remind you of what you stand to lose if you keep falling to temptations. Resist the temptation to be defensive or lash out if you feel hurt or angry. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Prov. 27:6). 

8. Recognize when others are needed. Sometimes others need to be brought into the accountability relationship: a spouse, parent, mentor, counselor, or spiritual leader. Recognize when you need help or when others need to know.