12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can AvoidSample

We Praise The Wrong Things

Of all the Scripture about children, there isn’t one that says, “Thou shalt praise your kids each day they wake. Thou shalt not let the sun fade without saying, ‘You’re so smart.’” Yet, we feel like we’re shirking our parental duties if we’re not shoveling buckets of praise into our kids.

While the Bible may not outright tackle the praising-your-kids issue, it does have quite a bit to say about encouraging others. In fact, there’s even a verse about doing it every day. Hebrews 3:13 ESV starts, But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ … That word, “exhort,” comes from a Greek word, parakaleo, which evokes an image of calling someone aside to instruct or comfort them. This offers a better picture of how we should encourage our kids. Instead of quickly telling them they’re pretty or smart, we should call them aside and speak directly into their unique virtues and efforts.

You’ll love Tim’s story today, but first let’s look at a list from his book. Below are what Tim outlines as the three most common “praise mistakes” he sees in his research and experience.

1. We praise fixed features. Instead, we should praise what’s in their control.
2. We praise carelessly. Instead, we should be genuine and sincerely interested.
3. Our praise doesn’t match their performance. Instead, our praise should add up.

Pray: Holy Spirit, will You help me to see the unique strengths and virtues of my child? Will You nudge me daily to encourage them in meaningful ways?