Let Go of the Guilt: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Take Back Your JoySample

 What Matters to You?

We can declare our values and rattle off an impressive-sounding list in conversation with others, but the true test of our values is easily revealed in what we choose to do every day. You live your values even if you don’t know what your values are. Values are an expression of what you really believe. When you put your phone down to look your loved ones in the eye when you talk to them, it is an expression of your values. When you scroll your social media feed while your loved ones are trying to talk to you, it is also an expression of your values.

Guilt ensues when our values are out of alignment with our actions. When your actions do not line up with what you say is important, you must reckon with the fact that, in that moment, your values are a lie. It is that lie that creates the guilt. But what if your values aren’t even your values? What if the values were told to you? What if you’ve adopted others’ values and never stopped to really question whether you agree with them?

Owning your values means accepting the fact that you might be different from those around you and not feeling guilty about it. Your values guide your thoughts, decisions, and actions. The process of letting go of guilt requires evaluating the origin of a thought by clarifying the value that created it. When you recognize you are holding on to values rooted in beliefs that are unhealthy, unhelpful, and in some cases spiritually misguided, you can let go of false guilt and embrace authentic values that reflect the life of joy and freedom that you want—without apology.

Self-coaching can help you figure out which values drive your guilt. Using powerful questions to peel back the layers to find the values that lead to your thoughts will help you determine what core values you really want to hold on to and what values you need to adjust. Asking questions helps you identify false assumptions and even faulty information that is driving your thoughts and feelings of guilt. Even though your thoughts may be honest, that doesn’t necessarily mean they are true. Questioning your thoughts helps you determine if your value is based on truth. 

As you clarify your values, you can own them! As you see the truth in what you value, you can articulate what you believe, make decisions accordingly, and shed the guilt. When you take a stand and reject guilt for things you know are right for you, you own your values. When you find yourself feeling defensive or guilty about something because someone else thinks it’s what you should do, but you don’t, pause and examine your thoughts. Use the PEEL process to uncover the truth about your own values.

Owning your values is empowering and freeing. Don’t miss it! Slow down and really get this. Take a deep breath. Pray for clarity and courage. And then watch the confidence that comes in truly becoming who you are—because you are a woman who understands her values, her expectations of herself, her boundaries with others, and the power of her God to move when she operates in faith instead of fear.

Respond

How do your actions reflect your values? 

What can you do to define and adjust your values so that they are based on truth? 

How can prayer and the power of God through His Word and the Holy Spirit help you establish authentic values and walk in faith instead of fear?