The Values of Money

Introduction 

Money is one of the main sources of conflict in marriage, but it can also be a source of connection. 

Money and marriage. You’re probably dreading the idea of spending a Episode having that conversation, right? Most of us feel at least a little insecure about how we handle money. 

And there are so many opinions out there—books, podcasts, sermons, YouTube channels, seminars—about the right ways to budget, save, and spend, it’s hard to know what to do. 

Tension 

Ninety-two percent of couples experience some kind of tension in their marriage around money. Seventy-seven percent of couples say they can’t openly talk about their finances without getting frustrated or irritated. Only nineteen percent of couples have a written, working budget. 

Is that you and your spouse? If so, you don’t have to continue to live with that frustration, conflict, and lack of communication. It is possible to examine your values and change your relationship with money. 

Truth 

It’s probably not a surprise to anyone that money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in marriages, but why is that? The reason our finances are such a big deal is a principle that Jesus explained in the Gospel of Matthew.

Our relationship with money doesn’t just set our priorities and influence our decision-making, it drives our passion. If we have unhealthy money habits, it’s bound to affect our relationship with God and our spouses. So, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to make sure you and your spouse are on the same page about your finances. 

Understand that you don't value the same things your spouse values. 

It could be that you value spending and your spouse values saving, or that you value planning and your spouse values flexibility. Whatever the situation, it’s easy for us to begin to see these differences in values as deep character flaws in our spouses. That’s a big danger to marriage. 

Be intentional about understanding your spouse’s values, assume the best about him or her, and make every effort to meet in the middle so you’re making wise financial decisions. 

Most important, this approach will communicate to your spouse that you value them more than you value money. 

Be aware that you and your spouse have different fears. 

You may fear that being too tight with money will rob your children of precious family memories and shared experiences, while your spouse may fear that loose spending might lead to financial ruin. 

Honor your spouse’s concerns. Don’t dismiss each other. Be open about what’s in your hearts so you can make wise decisions that help you both to move out of fear and define a healthier relationship to your money.

Bottom Line 

Money in marriage is an opportunity for conflict or connection. 

About the Expert

This content is an excerpt from Ted Lowe's interview with Shaunti Feldhahn.

Shaunti is a Harvard graduate and Wall Street analyst turned social researcher, best-selling author, and popular speaker. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as "For Women Only," have sold more than 3 million copies in 25 languages.

Her latest book, "Thriving in Love and Money," co-authored with her husband, Jeff, digs out the reasons why most of us have tension around money—or simply avoid talking about it. Shaunti and Jeff live in Atlanta with their two teenagers and two cats who think they are dogs.