All the Feels: Take Charge of Your Feelings (Instead of the Other Way Around)Sample

 The Power of Emotions in Relationships 

Close relationships take courage. Scripture gives us the story of a young widow named Ruth. Instead of going back to her own family, she pledged to remain with her mother-in-law, Naomi: “Your people will be my people and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16, niv). Naomi could have turned Ruth away, rejecting her gift. Ruth had no guarantees—she had only love. And she gave it freely, without strings and without knowing the ending. (Read the book of Ruth to find out the beautiful ending!)

Because big feelers love so passionately and vulnerably, relationships can feel scary for us. Because we love so generously, so intensely, we experience a corresponding level of loss and betrayal if a relationship goes wrong. But the opposite also holds true: because we love so generously, so intensely, we experience a corresponding level of joy and fulfillment when a relationship goes well. And in the end, the reward outweighs the risk. 

Vulnerability is also especially intimidating for reluctant feelers, who prefer to hold their cards close. When they do take a brave step forward in a relationship—sharing a confidence, expressing heartfelt affection, letting someone deep inside—they risk rejection or misunderstanding. That’s a terrifying place to be for people who prefer not to feel emotionally compromised! But again, the reward outweighs the risk. 

The key here for all of us is to follow the example of Jesus, who loved intensely but didn’t seek His identity or confidence in people. The same Jesus who looked at people and loved them, whose heart went out to people who were hurting, did not entrust Himself to those people. He loved them, gave to them, even enjoyed them, but his confidence came from God.

While [Jesus] was in Jerusalem at the Passover Festival, many people saw the signs he was performing and believed in his name. But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person. 

John 2:23-25 (niv) 

If you’ve been hurt before and now you are hiding at home, barricading your heart, I hope you’ll open the door to let other people inside. Look around, find some potential relationships, and when the time is right, start opening up: a little bit here, a little bit there. If we can keep in mind that God is the ultimate source of our joy and identity, then it’s not such a risk to offer our hearts to fellow fallen humans. We won’t be shocked if they fall, shattered if they fail. Hurt, yes, but not so hurt that we never love again. 

What a sad place the world would be without your particular brand of feeling, your special way of loving and giving. The world needs you. The people in your life need you. Without pressuring ourselves to be perfect, to take the place of God, we can offer our emotional gifts to encourage, comfort, and strengthen others. We can give as Jesus gave—selflessly, sacrificially, without strings or expectations—knowing that somehow God returns our gifts to us:  

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Luke 6:38 (niv)