The Hope QuotientSample

I like movies. But almost every time I see a romantic comedy, I want to shout, “Are you kidding?” They might seem right, but some Hollywood myths are guaranteed to turn romance into resentment, like:

1. The myth of compatibility. Every couple I know who opted for divorce said the same thing: “We’re just not [wait for it] compatible.” News flash—no one is! If you two agree about everything, one of you is unnecessary.

Carol and I are about as incompatible as it gets. The truth is, I’ve grown as a person and a Christian because I married someone different from me. My life is richer, my relationships are deeper, and I’m healthier because my marriage forced me out of my self-centered comfort zone.

Hope-based people believe that marriage is what they make of it. They say, “No matter how different we may be, our marriage will become what we are both committed to making it.”

2. The myth of smooth sailing. If you think you’re riding into the sunset to live happily ever after, check again. It’s not reality. When dating, no one acts like normal life. They wear their best clothes, are on their best behavior, and spend extravagantly for things they don’t have money to buy. My friend gave brilliant advice to a twenty-year-old. “You’re in your twenties, and you’re buying a diamond? What you need is a car, a job, and a place to live!”

The problem in living a fantasy and expecting smooth sailing is that we are unprepared for the storms when they hit. 

 3. The myth of greener pastures. People falling for this myth use two words: if only followed by an endless list of what the other person could be. Hope-based couples shift from comparing to cultivating. They stop comparing their mates to everybody else. Instead, they start cultivating. They water their own relationships and watch them grow, watch them develop, watch them expand, and become what God wants them to be.

4. The myth that positive change is impossible. Right now you may be confused or disappointed about your marriage. You may feel that your marriage is hopeless. You’re on the path of thousands of people who infused hope into their marriage and made it work. When hope enters, it brings all the possibilities that change can happen. 

Think Up:

Hope-based people believe that marriage is what they make of it. 

How can you get to the point where you can say, “No matter how different we may be, our marriage will become what we are both committed to making it”? (Read on).