Move Toward the Mess: Curing Boredom in the Christian LifeSample

Messy People Will Find You

Here’s the thing. Once you put yourself out there, messy people will start to notice. Many will keep their distance. They aren’t ready to change. They are comfortable where they are and they’re not ready to trust some sort of “church person” who has shown up in their midst. It’s no good trying to get people to change when they aren’t ready. So love them however you can with no strings attached. But don’t chase after them. Your version of Terry will be the person who moves in your direction.

Second, it’s possible that you’ll receive negative feedback from some of the religious folks in your life. This might be motivated by genuine concern for you on their part. They may worry that you’re missing some church functions because you’re spending time with “that person.” They may wonder if it’s a good idea for you to be seen with them in public. My boss, Andy Stanley, points out that Jesus never worried about guilt by association. Neither should you.

Finally, always lead with grace. Jesus didn’t lecture the woman about the need to change her ways. He didn’t shame her, didn’t evaluate her, and didn’t give her a plan for getting off the streets. He started by forgiving her. This doesn’t mean that you never explore a new lifestyle with your version of Terry. It just means that’s not where you start.

That said, you might still feel a strong urge to start with life-change and then get to grace. You might even feel guilty about not critiquing the details of the way they live. But don’t give in! If you lead with grace, you are likely to get around to lifestyle issues someday. If you lead with “change your ways,” not only will you never get to grace, you won’t get to see the person change his life either. Your potential Terry will have written you off as another judgmental Christian and walked away. Believe me, I learned this the hard way.