The Betrayed Wife: 6 Days of HealingSample

Outcome

When you are in pain, you want promises that this will never happen again. You would like the happy ending your husband promised you on your wedding day — and you're worth that. You deserve that. However, as we discussed previously, the gift of free will means that you don't get to make that decision for someone else. 

Here is something I had to learn as a counselor: I am 100% powerless over the outcome. I can give men, women and marriages the resources to grow, heal, learn and have a successful life, but only some will follow through on their commitments and live happily ever after. Some will not follow through and may willfully choose the path of lust, sin, and death. (James 1:15)

I have done many 5-day intensive counselling sessions in the last 25 years. A couple flies into Colorado and comes to my office and we spend an entire week together. I pour out my heart, give them an assessment, tools, an opportunity to go to support groups and to watch therapeutic DVDs. But even though I offer my professional help and unlimited resources, I still have 0% power to create an outcome because I can't make anyone want to change or heal. 

Our pain doesn't mean we get to decide for another person, even if we love them fully. Even if you are entirely reliant on the person who betrayed you, you cannot decide for him. Sadly, you and I have no power of your husband's outcome or your marriage. It is his choice to heal himself and to reestablish trust and intimacy with you.

Have I seen most of the men, women and marriages heal and overcome and even be healthier than before? Yes, more than I have seen failures. However, even though I see many successes, it is the husband and wife that do the work to heal. I provide tools and guidance, but they put in the effort day by day and week by week. They seek God, create a healing community, work the workbook, make the calls and walk out step by step.

As a woman who has been betrayed, you, like me, are powerless over your husband's outcome or the marriage's outcome. Your depth of love, pain or faithfulness does not guarantee the result you want.

However, if you focus on your healing, you get stronger and wiser, and you mature in areas that you might be weak. To some, that may mean getting up early and reading their Bible and praying every morning before starting their day. To others, it may mean starting to working with a Partner Recovery Therapist who can help you through this time. It may mean creating a healthy routine for yourself and your children, or going back to school to get your degree. Every person's healing process is different. Your strengthening will be unique to you and your journey. 

As you focus on your healing, you will grow closer to God. He wants us to grow and improve ourselves. As you progress, you will become a stronger woman than ever! You will write your own redemption story. 

I want to urge you to start thinking of the future. How will your decision to grow, strengthen, and develop make you able to help others? Will you start a business or product? Will you create a ministry that helps other hurting women in the future?

My prayer is that with God and a team of women in your life, you will charge the hill of healing in front of you and be a great example of overcoming and healing from betrayal, regardless of your current circumstances. You deserve to experience healing!

For more resources, please go to http://www.drdougweiss.com .