3 Marriage Killers That Keep You From a Fully Connected Marriage

Marriage is worth the work and there is a vast amount of attacks on marriage. Whether it’s the temptation of a coworker who is really fun to talk to, the reality of your current financial struggle that seems impossible to walk through or the ridicule of those around you, marriage is constantly being attacked. But in the end, God wins. We just have to surrender to His will and His ways. We know this because that is the truth of the gospel. We just have to live like we believe it. 

At elevateHim, the team has seen countless schemes of the enemy to steal, kill and destroy marriages and families but we’ve narrowed down a few key marriage killers. When we know the potholes to avoid, our marriages are preserved, strengthened and empowered to be all God created them to be.

Marriage Killer #1 - Isolation 

Isolation happens when we choose to withdrawal from our friends, church and each other. Animals become prey and are the most vulnerable when separated from the pack. Most men or women are tempted and fall into selfish sin patterns when they are alone. We were never meant to do life alone. That’s why God said, “it’s not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18)

Relationships matter. Living in community and doing life with other believers is vital to a healthy marriage. 

Being fully connected to God and each other is important but so is surrounding yourself with other believers who can love you in the middle of the hard stuff and celebrate with you in the good stuff. Isolation removes the healthy influences in our lives and creates space for us to make choices that might not reflect the nature and character of God, His will for our life or honor the one we promised to forever.  

Marriage Killer #2 - Indifference

Indifference comes into play when we quit caring. Somewhere along the way we stopped looking at our spouse, stopped trying to make things better, quit growing together and put our marriage on the back burner. Indifference is a slippery slope and causes us to drift further and further apart. Without real relationship with God, connecting conversations with our spouse, intimate encounters that are special and reserved just for us, we begin going through the motions and believe that we can fall out of love. Love is a choice, on display every day through our words and actions. Living fully connected means I will look at you, look for you and look out for you. I'm "all in" and "in it to win it".

Marriage Killer #3 - Insecurity

Insecurity is always about me and is always fueled by fear, pride, unbelief, trauma or rejection. It could be a combination of a few of them or all of them wrapped into one nasty little package. Perfect Love Casts out fear. (1 John 4:18) The only perfect love is the love of God. If I expect my spouse to take God's place and give me perfect love, then I am left empty and unhappy. The problem is that my feelings and my needs become my primary focus. I am most worried about myself instead of acknowledging my spouse or the God who is at work in them. Insecurity allows my feelings to drive the ship instead of God’s truth guiding our beliefs. In a fully connected marriage, insecurity becomes a chance to be authentic and allow your spouse to love you through it instead of a crippling weight robbing you of intimacy and fun. 

Now we know this is not an extensive list and there are traumatic, life-altering events that can affect us. Childhood abuse, infidelity, addiction, extreme narcissism and abuse are all factors and real marriage killers. If you are in the middle of any of these situations, please know that we are praying for you.

Think It Over:

Which marriage killer tries to attack our marriage? What is one thing I can do when the enemy tries to use that tactic against us?

Make a Move:

Pick a scripture and write it on a post-it note or scratch piece of paper and place it somewhere that you can see it to serve as a daily reminder of truth. Snap a picture of it and post it on social media and use the hashtag #fullyconnectedmarriage to see how couples across the country are being intentional.