Ready or Not for Foster & Adoptive FamiliesSample

  DAY 3: Not My Will, But Yours be Done

“You have to do what’s best for you.” That’s a phrase that we’ve all heard and uttered many times. The problem is, it’s wrong. What’s best for us in our human reasoning is often the opposite of what God’s will is for us in His divine plan. Given the choice, would any of us willingly accept cancer, purposely cut off a limb, or go to a brutal death on a cross for stuff we didn’t even do? “What you think is best for you” is the wrong measure for life, much less for making the decision to become a foster or adoptive parent. 

I remember a time when we faced a pretty significant issue with one of our daughters and had to make a tough decision. As we walked out the weeks following the decision, the scrutiny was sometimes unbearable. Some people understood and completely supported our decision; others thought we were wrong. Walking in between opposing opinions was difficult, and we knew there were multiple ways that the situation could ultimately end. The supporting messages were as loud as the opposing ones, “You have to do what’s best for your entire family.” “You’ve done all you can do, now it’s up to her.” “She just doesn’t appreciate what you’re trying to do for her.”, “Just let her go, you tried to make family for her, if she doesn’t want that – it’s her decision.”  

In the end, when we could have gone either direction, we came back to this very scripture. It didn’t matter what was easier or justified for us to do, it mattered what God had asked us to do in this child’s life. In that context, the scrutiny was just a part of the process—learning tool that God used to sharpen, teach and equip us. The truth is, this isn’t about us at all – it’s about her. As we kept our eyes focused on what God’s will was for this particular daughter’s life, we were able to see clearly where we needed to soften our approach and where we needed to stand our ground. 

As you go through the foster or adoption process, you’ll face many questions in narrowing the type, age, and condition of the child you are willing to take into your home. Will you accept a child who has been sexually abused? Will you accept a child with physical or mental disabilities? Will you accept an older child? These are important considerations. Take time to thoroughly evaluate your capacity, ability, and life circumstances. Be real with yourself and with God. But don’t be afraid to be honest about your fears. Be willing to lay them down and let God guide you according to His divine plan. Sometimes the things we fear most bring us the most opportunity for growth and joy.

Jesus was fully human and fully God. In that defining moment when he was alone in the Garden, he asked his Father a very human question, “If there’s another way of doing this, please show me . . . . But, regardless of how I feel right now, not my will but yours be done.” Are you willing to surrender your idea of how this process should go and give God total control?

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I encourage you to spend time with your spouse (or a trusted friend if you're single) to ask and answer the following questions.

Discussion Questions – Day 3: Not My Will, But Yours Be Done

1. Talk about a time when your will was in conflict with God’s will. What did you do? What influence did that experience have on your faith in God?

2. What is one thing you’ll have to give up as a result of your involvement in foster care and adoption? Why is that sacrifice worth it to you?

3. Read Matthew 16:24. What are some ways that foster care or adoption will require you to take up your cross and follow Jesus?

4. What fears do you have about the foster care or adoption process? What is one thing you can do this week to help you put that fear aside and trust God’s will?