Living Changed: ForgivenessSample

Boundaries

With the restoring power of God living inside us, we can learn to trust and be vulnerable with people again after we’ve been hurt. But that doesn’t always mean things should return to the way they once were. Setting boundaries is both healthy and necessary in this broken world.

When we forgive someone, it doesn’t mean we have to accept their future bad behavior or willingly put ourselves in harm’s way again. In fact, by not having boundaries in place, we’re essentially saying we don’t believe we deserve to be treated well. But when we put healthy boundaries in place, we’re declaring we are worthy of love and respect. 

Now, there’s a difference between boundaries and walls. Boundaries give others the rules for interacting with us, while walls keep everyone at a distance. As Christ followers, it’s important we learn to strike the right balance between assertiveness and vulnerability.

Boundaries are necessary to protect what is sacred to us. If we don’t like who we become around someone, we should limit the amount of time we spend with them. If someone makes us feel less than who God made us to be, we should stand up for ourselves and put boundaries in place. We’re supposed to love our enemies, but that doesn’t mean we have to have lunch with them. 

Healthy boundaries means making changes if there are people who are unsafe or unwise to be around. We sometimes put ourselves in dangerous or hurtful situations because we want so badly for others to know Jesus. But we need to understand that, though He might choose to use us, God doesn’t need us to save them. He is already pursuing their hearts, and He will not stop. If it’s unwise to be around someone, love them from afar by praying for them.

Sometimes the boundaries we need aren’t external but internal. We say terrible things about ourselves that we would never say about someone else. Even off-hand remarks like “I’m such an idiot” or “I look awful today” can impact our feelings of self-worth over time. When we’re tempted to speak or think negatively about ourselves, we need to speak biblical truth over our lives instead. We must remember that God sees us as His masterpiece and combat every lie with truth.

Think about the hurt you’re working to forgive, and consider what boundaries you need to put in place to protect yourself from future harm. Whether it’s spending less time with someone, telling them it’s not ok for them to speak harshly to you, or changing your own vocabulary about yourself, ask God to help you strike a healthy balance with your boundaries.